Rising From The Ashes

Qvendo for Presidency!!

2011-11-10T23:53:00.002+05:30

First things first, I'm not a shopaholic. I'm no fashionista or whatever it is that they call it. Asking me to write a blog about fashion and shopping is like asking a crocodile* to write a blog about "Advantages of being a Vegan". I don't really shop, I buy stuff when the need arise. My dressing style can be best described as 'I-wear-whatever-is-lying-at-the-top-of-the-pile'.

Hence, if I write a blog about shopping, then you SHOULD (that's 'should' with a capital S, H, O, U, L & D) take notice. As a general rule of thumb, the object in question has to be out-of-this-world awesome, for me to like it enough to desire and/or buy it, let alone recommending it to someone.

These guys at www.qvendo.com has made it possible for me to go from 'Does-it-look-like-I-care-what-I-am-wearing' guy to a 'I-know-this-is-looking-cool-tell-me-something-new' dude!

Here's the list of stuff that I'd like to buy from Qvendo. And in order to do that you'll need to give me Rs. 50,000. No, you won't get any tax benefit, but I'll certainly write a blog about you, telling everyone how you defeated Chuck Norris & Rajnikanth in a handicap match, with your hands tied behind your back. Deal?

Nevermind.

Here's the wish list:

1. Replay Watch for that "someone special" - Stylish watch for the stylish girl.

2. Replay Bracelet Watch for my mommy dearest - This smart watch in bracelet form will go match perfectly with her sarees and salwars.

3. Replay Men's Watch for dad - Gold belt & black dial, he's surely going to love this one.

Saw what I did here? Chose things that doesn't require a trial for size, unlike clothes & shoes. Watches are probably the safest, smartest & easiest things to gift someone.

Also, with my mom & dad's anniversary just a stone throw away, a pair of watches would make a good gift.

4. Jeans Jeans Jeans!!! - Being the compulsive Jeans & Tee guy, I went berserk at the True Religion section, and had it not been for the amazing discounts, I would've surely robbed the webpage.

Anyways, I'll have these 3.

5. Tees. Black - Alright, I'll have it.

Cause of you guys, my mom's gonna shout at me (if not throw me out of the house), for buying a BLACK tee. For the nth time.

My wardrobe is full of black tees and if I'm not wrong, my mother has secretly started to believe that my eyes have a display from 80s B&W Television. Can't blame her either. Well, I am an obedient son, but not THAT obedient.Well, how can I NOT buy a black tee which has a skull thingy and another one with a pirate flag?

Ahoy! Ye scurry dogs, give me these 2!

6. Windchimes for those beautiful ears - Someone loves earrings & though I don't know what exactly it represents, when I saw these, I knew they belong to those ears.

I wonder, how some of you can do this shopping thingy every weekend/fortnight. Since, qvendo.com is a website and not a shop situated on the other side of town which gets transformed into a Kumbh Mela during the weekends, I can afford to keep coming back whenever I want, as it'll only take click to browse through their amazingly discounted stock and that way, I can shop from the comfort of my home. Wohoo! Or discomfort of my work. Damn it!

Enough of this blog, all you curious people can now head over to this place and check out Qvendo's entire collection on your own, instead of making me take the effort to telling you everything. Actually, you can start your mad shopping spree by creating your account over here.

And for those who're wondering whether I'm the brand ambassador or something for Qvendo (ya right!), let me inform ya'll, I've written this blog as a part of this Indiblogger's Discover Qvendo Competition. Go, check it out. Now!

Avast Ye!

Hoist The Colors!

*No crocodiles were harmed in the making of this blog.

A - Z of G+

2011-08-19T13:17:00.000+05:30

A – Another Social Networking site – Another social networking site, or should I say, another social networking site from Google. *phew* After Google Wave failed to create any waves and everyone asked Google Buzz to Buzz off, this is Google’s third attempt at taking Facebook head on (not considering Orkut as it was developed before Facebook became famous).

B – Businesses (separate acc. Strategy) –Google doesn’t want any company, business or product to have an account on Google+. Not right now, at least. They’re completely clear with their strategy and currently, all the accounts are only for Homo sapiens. Google+ has a separate strategy for businesses and they’re right now busy refining the last bits. In Product Manager, Christian Olsten’s words, “We have been watching Google+ take shape over the last week and we’ve seen some really great companies get involved. But frankly we know our product as it stands is not optimally suited to their needs. In fact, it was kind of an awkward moment for us when we asked Ford for his (or was it her?) gender!”

C – Circles – Google+ lets you add all your friends in different circles hence you can safely post that NSFW video and share it with your College Circle without worrying that your aunt from Amritsar will see it. You can also tell all your friends that you’re chilling in Goa while keeping your boss who’s in the Do-not-share-anything-with-Boss Circle, under the impression that you’re down with viral. Here are some other circles you can possibly use to categorise your friends. Facebook friends circle, Twitter friends circle, Real life friends circle, Colleagues-to-be-included-in-conversation-while-ranting-about-office circle, Family-members-you-can’t-tell-you-like-DK-Bose-song circle.

D – Direct Messages – One of the most unique feature of G+ is how to Direct Message or Inbox someone. Technically speaking, there is no ‘Inbox’ feature. You never go in that shell where you feel safe, secure and private to make personal conversations like Facebook, Twitter & Orkut. Everything stays on the Timeline. Only difference is, you share the post only with that particular person(s) instead of sharing it with ‘Public’ or a circle. It can be classified as Direct Message in a way, but it will take some time and plenty of near-misses getting used to it, as that security of conversing in private folder cocoon is out of the window.

E – Equinox – Here, equinox can be referred to as that site which has found a balance between Facebook & Twitter and have engineered their way in combining best (functionalities) of both world, which in a parallel universe caters to the entire spectrum of users.

F – Following/followers – “People in your circles / People who’ve you in their circle” sounds more like “People you’re following / People who’re following you”. Google+’s friend list resemble Twitter more than Facebook.

G – Gtalk – Users have faced awkward situations where they’re being pinged on the Gtalk by people they’ve never added in the first place. Turns out, when you mutually add each other on G+, they get automatically added to your Gtalk. Given the fact that Google already has Gtalk, you don’t really expect them to program a new chat server, do you?

H – Hahaha gifs. They logged on, they uploaded and they left. Since the first day, G+ has been littered with gifs and jpgs of how G+ has kicked FB’s butt. It’s either a cheap marketing ploy by Google where they’ve asked their employees to circulate these images or they’ve been created by anti-facebookers who’ve been waiting for someone to do come up with something that can rival FB.

I – Invitation – This yawn-worthy marketing tactic have now official earned a ‘cliché’ status. Like every new website/product wants you to think that they’re going to let only a select few mere mortals have the honour of testing their new thingy and to earn that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, you will be required to cry out loud on Twitter and Facebook a million times to gain a so-called ‘invitation’ which will catapult you to Megatron levels of stardom and will change your life forever, even Google+ created the same noise where people were ready to give up their one limb to earn that coveted invitation to be one of the first people to have an account on Google+. Google+ created hype by giving out only a few thousand invitations in first few days which have now swelled to millions. In fact, Google did the same with Buzz and Wave. Grow up Google, instead of using such tactics, just make a great product, user base will take care of itself.

J – Joke’s on MySpace – MySpace which was acquired by News Corp for $580 million & valued at $12 billion at one point of time, was recently sold for a mere $35 million. We all know that Google silently prays to Santa that Facebook also spirals down like MySpace. Whether Facebook goes down MySpace’s path or Google+ meets its cousins Buzz & Wave in hell, remains to be seen. But, as it stands today, MySpace is a Social Networking joke.

K – Kleptomania – Maybe. Although, G+ has tried to stay away from the Facebook structure as much as possible and despite using terminologies as different from Facebook as possible, similarity to FB is pretty obvious. It's evident that G+ is nothing but a lovechild of Facebook and Twitter from features point of view.

L – Links – As of now, for an average user there is rarely anything to do on G+ apart from checking out tons of links that everyone is forwarding on G+. There are hardly any photos or any unique updates about friends which you haven’t read before on FB and/or twitter. It will take some time till the site gets populated and one can actually think of spending (read wasting) substantial amount of time on Google+.

M – Mute – All those people who’ve regretted congratulating a friend on his new relationship status after being bombarded with half a million notifications, will love this feature. In short, all of us. Mute allows us to mute notification about comments that people post on the same updates which we’ve commented on, hence, you will no longer feel shy to comment “RIP” on your friend’s “Getting married next week” update.

N – No thanks, not interested in Auto Upload – That’s what the users of Android App for G+ seem to be saying. It seems that Auto Upload ON is the default setting for the Android App and hence ever single photo clicked from the phone gets uploaded to G+, which at the end of the day is hurting the user in terms of data usage and money. It isn’t necessarily cool to see even your blur and just-to-kill-boredom photos being uploaded. So, if you’re an Androidian, be sure to turn the feature off.

O – Orkut - The fact that Google decided to develop a new site altogether to take on Facebook despite having Orkut in its arsenal says scores about Google’s faith in Orkut. It seems Google also agrees that Orkut is just that, ‘Orkut’ aka. A poor man’s Facebook.

P – Plus one – Plus One or +1 is equivalent to Facebook’s ‘Like’. But +1ing on Google+ won’t make it appear in your +1 section, so you needn’t worry that your family will come to know that you’ve +1ed Tara Reid’s Wardrobe Malfunction video unless you +1 it anywhere on net.

Q – Quintessentially minimalistic – Like everything Google, G+ too followed Google’s classic design philosophy and kept the site to bare minimum. Let’s enjoy the neatness and spaciousness that the site offers, till Adwords fills up the empty space.

R – Reality Check – Google+ is the fastest growing website but still it’s far from catching up with Facebook’s 750+ million users. And Facebook is just one step away from Gmail once @facebook.com mail id starts working in its full fledged avatar.

S– Sparks– There are no fan pages on G+ instead they have something known as Sparks which is essentially RSS feed of things that interests you, which may range from anything from “Aston Martin” to “Hot pics of Katrina Kaif”. Google seem to have employed some complex algorithm which probably takes into consideration page hits/rank from a little know search engine known as Google.com, to decide which news/links to throw up for your Sparks

T – 25 Million users – Google+ has already crossed the 25 million user mark is the fastest social networking website to reach this mark. Don’t get impressed by the fastest-social-networking-site-to-reach-25m-mark award, yet. Given Google’s might and the fact that it only took a Gmail account to register for Google+, it’s no surprise that they’ve achieved that feat in only a month’s time. The so-called “by invitation only” was only a marketing gimmick.

U – Unlimited photos – 1 album = 1000 photos. Unlimited albums = Unlimited Photos. Wohoo!!!

V – Video Chatting – Video Chat or Hangout as they call it, has to be G+ ‘s “deal maker”. The fact that one can video chat with up to 10 people at the same time is for sure a big plus.

W – Why should I be on G+? What’s the point? – That’s question you will be left asking yourself…So, what’s the point of G+? Well, let me ask you, what’s the point of any social networking site? Photos, Connectivity, News, Interaction, Staying in touch, Status Updates…. ? It’s the same with Google+. It’s just a case of old wine in new bottle. Facebook or Google+, or both. Whatever you suits you.

X – Chromosome X – Google+ does seem to have that air of prejudice where it already considers itself better than anything else. But, despite everything, it seems, Google has finally found that Chromosome X lying in some corner of their Mountain View Office which can possibly make G+ capable of throwing a serious challenge at the reigning Heavy Weight Champion - Facebook.

Y – Young – G+ is still in its early days, almost an infant from a social networking point of view. Although, initial signs may point at G+ to be a prodigy but it’s premature to call it a “Legend Killer”. Give it some time and let the kid breath and stop jumping to conclusions yet. Let the time speak…!

Z – Zuckerberg Mark – Mark Zuckerberg has been added in circles by highest no. of people 461698* on G+. This figure is more than the combined strength of Google founders Larry Page (272604*) & Sergey Brin’s (184897*) followers. That’s like someone crashing in your birthday party and becoming the most popular guy in the house. It seems Mr. Zuckerberg, whose bio reads “I make things”, is keeping an eye on the competition. No harm in being a little cautious, right Mark?

*indicates follower count at the time of writing this article

Contented Remorse

2011-02-03T04:20:00.004+05:30

3rd April 2010, wasn't a typical Saturday afternoon. There was an air of discomfort and yet the day was a special one. Being a football lover, I was waiting for that day from many weeks if not months. On that day, Manchester United were going to play against Chelsea. The championship had more or less been a 2 horse race from the beginning and the two sides were going neck & neck. The football pundits had said that, that match would decide the fate of the championship and so it happened.

Given the gravity of the situation and the fact that the match was scheduled for an early kickoff (5.30pm IST), I almost fought with my boss while telling him a not-so-real story about an imaginary friend meeting with an unreal accident requiring me to leave early. Call it karma or the usual bad luck that I carry around, my not-so-imaginary friend Alok with whom I was going to watch the match over one too many beers, screwed up the plan at the 11th hour stating some excuse of him visiting an imaginary relative in some unrealistic hospital.

Nevertheless, I went ahead with the plan, as my house was getting renovated and there was no possibility of watching television at home. So, I reached the Sports Bar and hopped onto one of those stool thingy they have at the bar and ordered first of many pints that I had that evening. Infact, going all alone proved to be in my favor, as I got the bar stool right in front of the screen. Had that bastard Alok been with me, we would've struggled to find a table with a good view of the screen as most of them were taken. Now, this is what I call, ditched yet happy. *ding* Two opposing forces!

Barely few minutes had passed in the first half and Man United missed a close chance to score.

"Dammit!!!", I exclaimed out of rage, banging my fist on the bar almost spilling whiskey of the guy sitting next to me.

"Sorry.", I said. He was still perplexed. Turned out, it was more cause of the fact that we missed a goal than my physical exclamation.

"Shit, just missed.", he said.

I asked, "What the goal or the drink?" We both had a laugh over the pun. As a matter of fact, guys bond like chaddi-buddies over drink & sports. Being ardent Manchester followers, both of us started enjoying the game together with hi-fives over goals and ohhhs & ahhhs over missed chances. The match ended in a disappointing loss for Manchester and a big blow to their title hopes which Chelsea went on to win at the end of the season.

While finishing our drinks, Vivek & I got into a typical post match analysis like boys generally tend to do. Conversation moved from football to cricket and later to F1; to which he told me, he was planning to watch Abu Dhabi GP that year. That's when I learnt, he's basically from Dubai and he's here on some personal trip.

Just then his phone rang..."Hello". "Oh, you're here already? Great! Come inside, I'll finish the drink and we'll leave in 5-10mins." Not being the nosy kind, I never bothered asking, who it was. Just then a gorgeous yet familiar face walked towards us. He got up and gave her a warm hug.

Introducing us he said, "Remember, I told you, I'm here on a personal visit? She's the reason I'm here. My fiance, Khushi. It's her birthday today!!!"

Dumbstruck I became. Ofcourse, I remembered it was her birthday. How can I ever forget? Her birthday was the very reason I was disturbed since morning. 2 years back, on the exact same date, she was holding MY hand at the time of cake cutting. Till 1 and half year back, she used to be in MY arms at parties. The hug that he give, I used to gave those to her every day at the college. An avalanche of memories overloaded the heart.

Even she looked stunned. I guess she too couldn't believe her eyes that I was standing in front of her. With the amazement, I could also sense her discomfort and fear.

In the mean time, Vivek finished the last sip of his drink and said to her, "Give me just 2 minutes sweetheart. You just wait here with him, I'll quickly go to the restroom and then we'll leave."

As he left, Khushi looked at me and asked, "How you've been?"

"How do you think, I've been? Alive, I guess.", I replied angrily.

She asked surprisingly, "Why are you talking like this? You used to be one of the most ambitious & positive guys I've known. Now look at you. You look a pale shadow of your ownself. What happened?"

I answered shockingly, "What happened? You of all people should know what happened?"

Khushi: "Please don't tell anything about us to Vivek, we're going to get married soon. Besides, it was all in the past. It's been more than a year, since you and I..."

"Irrespective. Love & feelings are not bounded by time frame, my dear. Sadly you'll never understand those things.", said I, angrily.

Khushi: "You mean you still...??"

The conversation was broken by Vivek's arrival. "So what are you guys discussing, huh?", asked in a happy & curious tone.

Silence, all around. Neither of us, said a word.

Vivek broke the silence saying, "So we'll leave now, it was nice meeting you buddy!"

We shook hands. I moved my right hand towards Khushi and said, "Happy Birthday".

Her trembling hand met mine and with a deep nervous voice, she said, "Thank you."

At the moment, I looked into her eyes and everything stopped. Seemed like, I was thrown back in time. She was struggling to maintain eye contact. Out of nowhere came out the words, "I'll miss you, Khushi. I still do..."

These words are hard to digest for any guy who loves his fiance. "Hold on", said Vivek. "You guys know each other?" he inquired in a strong voice.

Khushi, "No."

Some how I got the courage and said "Yes, we do." All the trauma & sadness that I've gone through because of her, pushed me into a state of trance and I yelled out the bitter truth, "Apparently, we dated each other. We loved...no, correction, I loved her. She...ummm...she only passed her time. Your beautiful fiance at that time was only looking for a companion to pass her time till graduation. I was ready to do anything to be in the place where you are right now, but she would never marry her college sweetheart. She only wanted a boyfriend to enjoy the college years and later on, go and marry a rich NRI businessman to enjoy material pleasures of life. Money over Love. You over Me. That's her. And if you think, I'm lying, maybe you should try to search for truth in the tears that are rolling down her cheeks right now."

Stunned silence. She couldn't believe that I told Vivek everything. Even Vivek couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Vivek, I've been wrong only once in my life in recognizing a person. And from our interaction today, I can tell that you're one of the nicest human being around. So, whatever you do with your life, think about it once again. All the best."

I looked towards Khushi and said, "I request only one thing from you, whatever you do in your life never break a man's heart. You wouldn't know but it hurts. It really does. Really badly. Take care." and I stormed out of the bar, hoping never to see her again.

I don't know they're still together or not, but as I walked out, there was an indifference on my face and peace in my mind. The restlessness brewing inside the heart from 1 and half year was all gone. I was surprisingly calm.

There was guilt of probably ruining someone's life but also a contentment of paying back to someone who almost ruined mine. I still don't know if I was satisfied or filled with remorse, I don't know if I did it out of love or hatred, I don't know if what I did was correct or not...nonetheless I did it. No looking back now.

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This post is written for Close Up "Fire-Freeze" Contest on Indibloggers.

I suggest everyone to log on to Close Up fan page on Facebook and Like it and post similar stories of yours where you had experienced two opposing emotions at the same time.

Also, if you liked, what I've written and if you have lil time, you can go my contest entry on Indibloggers and vote for it there. Here's the link. I hope you do this as I don't like to ping (spam) friends individually with my blog link asking them to vote/comment for me. Thanks in advance.

Audi A8 L 3D integrated campaign

2011-01-22T03:14:00.001+05:30

Audi A8 L 3D integrated campaign is actually a campaign about Audi A8's latest model that is as long as the name of the campaign itself. Don't take my word for it, look at the "L" in the name, that signifies it's Long. Long Wheelbase, to be precise.

Being an auto enthusiast, I was excited about it ever since Srinivas informed me about it. Anyways, so this campaign was organized by Creativeland Asia at PVR, Juhu who takes pride in having waterless toilets.

The event being on the fifth floor of a multiplex, it was nothing like a traditional car launch which I earlier misunderstood it to be.

And no, the campaign was nothing like it's shown in the above pic.

Nope, she wasn't present there either.

Between you and me, actually we don't go to public functions together. She went to the Australian launch while I went to the 3D campaign here in Mumbai, so that, neither of us miss the event, at the same time the paparazzi doesn't clicks us together. Jennifer looks gorgeous in this LBD isn't it? Ya, I know. I keep telling her the same.

Coming back to the event; so finally I reached the 5th floor where the event was taking place, not before being frisked thrice on my way to the 5th floor. Damn, people seriously don't believe that a 20 something guy can actually afford an A8. Maybe, they're right. Heck. So upon arrival, I was greeted by this guy wearing a Creativeland Asia Tee who asked me where I'm came from (he meant company/publication probably)? Apprehensively, I told him I was a blogger and pointed out my name in the list. Much to my relief, I wasn't thrown out, instead was asked to wear this particular friendship band.

While heading toward the open bar to ~~drink some daru~~ interact with other bloggers, ran into a pretty girl called Malvika, (the very girl who mailed me the event's invitee) who educated me more about the event.

Just then I met Srinivas (who was carrying a camera) & Sudeep (who was carrying a beer mug). After the casual hi...hello, we thought of going inside the screening hall and take seats but were stopped as liquor wasn't allowed inside. Sudeep had to finish his beer in about 27 seconds (not his personal best though). Thankfully, Srini didn't had any such problems with his camera.

As we entered, the organizers gave us 3D glasses. The entrance was lined with photographers and cameramen. *Phew* Paparazzis, I tell you.

Inside the hall, there were black boxes and grey folders (containing press release & a DVD) under which seats were placed on which we were supposed to sit.

Soon, Raj who happens to be some big guy in Creativeland Asia, started the proceedings with introductions and gave us all a thorough why, what, who, whom, where, withered, without, watered, whaddup & what not regarding the whole 3D campaign which inshort was the world's first 3D integrated campaign and it was about Audi A8's newest version, the Audi A8 L (2011 edition). Raj would either talk about the campaign (which he did for a time period which in mathematical terms was 2.57 eternities) or would get into Philosophical mode and talk about peace of mind, contentment, yoga, higher level of existence, chastity (okay maybe not chastity) & blah blah. Whatever happened to focusing on the product?!?! It was almost like the owner of the Opera House coming out and talking about the effort he and his crew put in, in vacuuming the carpet and the seats, instead of welcoming/felicitating the musicians.

Along came, Michael, Director of Audi India, who seemed to be a jolly good fellow & more importantly, talked about things that were less boring. Finally, someone spoke about the product. About the company. About the car. About Audi. About A8.

At first, they showed us an advert/short clip of the new car in 2D and then later on in 3D, with the glasses on. More on that later. First, let me tell you, what that mystery black box contained. Nopes, it didn't contain a scale model of the A8, unlike my high expectations. Instead, it had this...

*tadaaaaa*

It's a pair of 3D glasses for home viewing their website. :-S

Funny thing, this one is. It actually has two different colored glasses (blue & red). It looks more like the glasses used to track Mr. India's invisbility. The box also contained a 3D picture booklet of A8 which looks like its misprinted given its 3D appearance. Well, it's supposed to look that way if you see it without wearing those 3D glasses.

Coming back to the short clip, I'd say it's one of the coolest adverts ever. And no, I'm not paid to say this. Well, not yet atleast (someone listening?).

From what I understand, the advert is actually about this guy...

...who has Rajnikanthesque superhuman power; who, if bothered can inhale from the bottom of his stomach in such a powerful way that it throws him backwards...

Not only that, but his inhaling is so powerful that all the components of the car are drawn towards him...

Seats, headrest, suspension, c pillars, arm rests, wing mirrors...

steering wheel, satnav, clock, volume & AC controlling knobs, jumbojet-takeoff-shifter-lookalike gear lever...

headlights, windshield, bonnet, wheels & all the remaining bits and pieces come together and make this beautiful car.

Not to forget, this was all done by a single breath...infact half a breath. Do, notice how the car levitates in air for a while.

And the car drops to the floor, only once he's done breathing in & is about to exhale.

WHAT. A. CAR!

& more importantly

WHAT. A. MAN!

Hence, I wonder, why they made the whole thing around the car when it was this gentleman who was responsible for it all? Confusing souls these creative people are.

Click here to see the clip. Or here if you hate intros.

After the clip, there was a small question-answer session with Michael to whom, yours truly asked a couple of questions about Audi starting their single make races in India too, to which he replied that, they're looking at racing aspect in India but would take a more concrete decision once F1 track is laid down later in the year.

Post presentation was the drinks session, where I waited the entire length 2 wine glasses for Richard to get done with the interviews, so the petrol head in me can go up and talk to him one on one and ask a few more questions but sadly by the time I reached 3rd starter, he had left.

Nonetheless, it was an interesting experience! Now, just waiting for the invitation for the official launch of the car where the car is present in physical sense and I'm not made to wear some funny glasses to get the feel of it.

Ahmedabad Traffic (non)Sense

2011-01-18T19:07:00.001+05:30

So last week, I was in Ahmedabad. Went there after almost 15months. IMO Ahmedabad has the highest potential difference between the best roads and worst drivers. I'd stick my neck out and say, the roads over there are even better than what we have here in Mumbai but the people over there have driving sense (or should I say 'driving nonsense') of Mr. Neanderthal.

I hate to admit it but most Mumbai autorickshaw drivers are angels compared to 97.37% Ahmedabadis possessing a driving license. Ahmedabad has great infrastructure, no doubts about it. But, after laying awesome tarmac, the local authorities over there undid all of it by constructing huge circles instead of traffic signals at most of vehicle-overflowing crossroads. You know, you use circles instead of traffic signals only at places where people have basic understanding of how turn signal & rear view/door mirror works. Also, it seems that the guy in charge of switching on the traffic lights is on a sabbatical & hence you feel you're in the middle of some 'Die Hard 4' movie. Also at places where the traffic lights ARE working, the traffic police exercises their VETO power.

Speaking of traffic police, I believe they're the unfearfullest traffic cops I've ever seen. I mean, here in Mumbai whenever you see a traffic cop, you go through a mental check list of things you should have - license, helmet/seat belts, Insurance, PUC... and if even one box is unchecked you keep a low profile and drive/ride to the extreme right hiding behind a lorry/truck & try to get away. It's not the same in Ahmedabad. They're not bothered if you're wearing helmet or not or you jump a red light when the traffic from the other end is slim. In Jeremy's words, Ahmedabad's like Greece; the authorities have given roads saying, "Look here's the road, you drive. If you get mangled, don't come crying to us". If you ask me, that's how it's supposed to be. Give us great infrastructure, leave it to us, how we wanna use it w/o the guys in uniform stopping us every 27 meters. :P
All in all, I'd say, Kudos to infrastructure in Ahmedabad but 4 thumbs down for the drivers. Combine Ahmedabad roads with Mumbai traffic sense and you have an Epicwin, other way around is Apocalypse.

Ignite Mumbai 2

2010-12-26T02:07:00.007+05:30

Firstly, this post is a bit late. Generally, people start writing a blog post about any event/meetup/concert within 83 seconds after visiting it. I've exceeded those 83 seconds a lil bit....by 7...errr...days. Heck, who cares, no one's gonna read it anyways. In any case, you're reading this, I do feel sorry for you.

Anyways, so this was the second edition of Ignite Mumbai which I attended for the first time. Incase, you dunno what Ignite Mumbai, you can check out their website. Or continue reading. Or do both.

So, the second edition of Ignite Mumbai was held this place which aptly describes the state of mind of everyone who doesn't know what Ignite is - WTF.

*Don't kill me for copying this pic from Ignite Mumbai's facebook page.

And according to the some of the attendees, the place should be modestly called BC-WTF-MC, due to it's strategic location which many of them found a little less than simple to reach. Like one Mr. Vishal, who kept on collecting murderous stares whenever he told the fullform of WTF to everyone whom he asked the location who asked him in return, "What does WTF stand for? We might be able to help you."

Nonetheless, its DoubleU Tee Eff for now.

Ignite as you might expect was a concept first started in some American city, famed for mistakenly welding a space ship on top of a pole. At Ignite, you can talk about anything you like, but should be accompanied by a low quality presentation consisting of 20 slides each of which will shift their ass in 15 seconds. Ignite people like to smartly describe it as "T20 of presentations and geeky fun", while I'd lamely describe it as "Ppts on weed."

While, Vishal was making his way through the death wishes and chanting the venue name like some urban slur, I managed to find few tweeps ( Rushikesh, Sampath & Navin) to strike a conversation with, not before sitting like a dodo for few minutes.

After a while saw a pretty girl waving at me from a distance. I looked away thinking she's waving to someone behind me, apparently it was Snigdha whom I didn't recognize from the distance who was infact hi-ing to me. Sorry Snigdha, my bad. This is exactly what happens, when you're not habituated to beautiful girls coming upto you and saying hi.

Also, happened to meet Ritika, Mohit & Harmanjit over there. But the most interesting person has to be, Aviraj's grandfather. As our table was right in front of the screen, he came to us and politely asked, like a thorough gentleman, if he can join us. I had the pleasure of exchanging few words with him before the whole thing started. The 82 year old (if I'm not wrong) gentleman firstly asked us, if we (young people) would be comfortable sitting with an old man? It was our pleasure to have him there amongst us. The ex-journalist told us that he likes being around youngsters and loves to find out new things (like Ignite) that we come up with. That was a learned, experienced and a highly respected man telling us that he has great confidence in us - the today's generation and according to him, we'd do wonders in coming years. Thank you sir, we'll do our best to live upto your expectations. Love your attitude and your thoughts, salute!

Just then, the faulty mic got warmed up and the speakers started presenting their work in something that can be best described as techno.

There were about 8 speakers, or 9. Don't remember 'em all though.

Here are some excerpts from the pep talk.

Life is About Getting to the Hill-Station – Arjun Nair

Arjun started the thing with a snapshot of a long winding road comparing destiny/goal as the hill station and life as the journey. According to my calculations, he used about 3.2 quintal metaphors. I think Yoda takes his inspiration from Arjun's slides.

God is Back. And How! – Rohan Babu

Rohan spoke something about God and inspiration and faith and God and something. In words of Chamatkari Baba all he heard was "blah, blah, something, Fuck you god, something, blah...".

Well, one of the characters in Rohan's ppt did say "Fuck you god" only to have his faith restored later on or something like that.

According to a tweet by someone who's more knowledgeable than most of us, "Rohan Babu is more than fluent,he's a tongue on steroids.Too fast 4 listeners to ponder over his xtraaaa philosophical points.."

Nonetheless, good talk for those who're more spiritually inclined.

There Once Was a Man – Ashtiaq Dalton

All I can say about Ashtiaq is that his presentation was a collection of horny 4 liners.

P.S. Mr. Dalton, if you're reading this, do post your quartet or whatever its technically called in the comments section or direct us to the blog/scribd page where you've published it (in case).

Pimp my Rickshaw Ride! – Achint Parekh

Achint was greeted with loud cheers from many ladies as he grabbed the mike. I'd like to believe they all were his rakhi sisters if not cousins. This guy turned out to the Dilip Chhabaria of rickshaw union. He showed ways in which a boring rickshaw can be made more fun (incase, you still haven't figured that out from the title).

Design Fascinates Me – Ayush Saran

Ayush seemed to be a guy who's more artistically blessed than I am. He spoke about designs - good, bad, ugly and some really interesting ones. One of the points he made was that one should be creative enough to design your original designs (there wasn't any other way I could put it) and not to copy it from others; else you'll end up being an adivasi tribe on some island in Pacific.

Surviving the Shopping Trip – Rohan Joseph

I think we all should laud Rohan for taking up this sensitive topic, something that's almost a taboo to be spoken about out in open. It was really bold of him to discuss how to deal with a shopping trip with girlfriemd, without caring about the fact that he shunned any and all chance of getting laid again without paying for it. Bravo!

Whatever! – Sudeshna Das

Memory lapse on my part is what best describes this one. Don't think, it was forgettable one but I'm somehow having a hard time recalling this one. Maybe I was busying tweeting or maybe it was just that - whatever. Still, I'm sure Sudeshna did a great job in it.

Making Pasta Like a PRO – Shaheen Peerbhai

Everyone who hogged like ummm hoggers after the meet can actually blame Shaheen and those delicious pasta pics in her presentation. Some dumb heads failed to understand that her presentation was never meant to color an autorickshaw OR teach you how not to stare at lingerie section while shopping with your girl OR how to write horny poems. It was about food. And the reason many found this one lil' less interesting is because the previous presentations had set a LMAOing tone. Had this one been the first presentation, it would've fetched a much better response which it rightly deserved. You go girl!

Being Bawi – Mahafreed Irani

Mahafreed was truly the icing on the cake. She went to some length to describe how Parsi community may very well become the Dinosaur of 21st century. They're actually an endangered species and everything is being done to increase the population of their race. The sad part is, everything is being done by the oldies which is kinda pointless (pun intended).

Funnily, every Parsi I can name, is either an oldie (Ratan Tata) or a hot VJ (Ramona, Nauheed, Shehnaz) getting married outside their race. I didn't name Cyrus considering he's now adopted by a family of goats.

All in all, Ignite Mumbai was fun but at the end of the meet you ask to yourself... "hmm..now what?" As in, what's the purpose of this? Is this just to get rid of your stage fear, to be able to make better presentations, to give someone a chance to write horny poems, to bid goodbye before extinction, for some social cause, to make better pastas, to encourage us to use google maps to find a difficult location OR just for fun?? Just for fun, is something that according to me, somehow doesn't add up in the equation.

Only time will tell, how things take shape from here. Till then, have fun!

What if women ruled the earth? - Part 1

2010-11-25T03:49:00.005+05:30

Q. What if women ruled the earth?

A. Blackberry Boys would be replaced by Strawberry Girls.

Even the famous Blackberry Boys jingle would be rewritten.

In a world run by men....

We wear cool suits

We wear shiny Shoes

We’re the Blackberry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the Blackberry Boys

We’re special, we’re clever

We’re very very clever

We’re the Blackberry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the Blackberry Boys

We do chat

and we do mail

We do surf

We do all on the move

Oooo, ooo, ooo, hoooo

Cos We’re the Blackberry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the Blackberry Boys

Na na na

We’re the Blackberry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the Blackberry Boys

In a world run by women...

We wear cool clothes

We wear shiny gloss
We’re the Strawberry Girls
Oh yeah
We’re the Strawberry Girls
We’re hot, we’re sexy
We’re very very lazy
We’re the Strawberry Girls
Oh yeah
We’re the Strawberry Girls
We do gossip
and we do bitching
We do makeup
We do all on the move
Oooo, ooo, ooo, hoooo
Cos We’re the Strawberry Girls
Oh yeah
We’re the Strawberry Girls
Na na na
We’re the Strawberry Girls
Oh yeah
We’re the Strawberry Girls

Here's the video. Guys, I dare you to sing it with new lyrics.

If any guy actually manages to sing the new lyrics perfectly in sync with the video...go get yourself a butterfly tattoo on your belly next to that pierced belly button. NOW.

*Disclaimer: Girls you know I still love you all, right? This post was probably posted when my account was hacked or maybe when I was stoned. Either ways, it wasn't me. ;)

Theory of Karma

2010-11-22T17:30:00.007+05:30

According to Oxford English Dictionary

KARMA

noun (in Hinduism and Buddhism) the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as affecting their future fate.

- DERIVATIVES karmic adjective.

- ORIGIN Sanskrit, "action, effect, fate".

According to Wikipedia
Karma (Sanskrit: Karma, - "act, action, performance") is the concept of "action" or "deed" in Indian religions understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect (i.e., the cycle called sa%u1E43sara) originating in ancient India and treated in Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Buddhist philosophies.

Different theories of Karma

THEORY 1 : This is the most wide spread theory rooted inside everyone's psyche, that your actions and your deeds determine what you get in return. As quoted in a popular English saying

AS YOU SOW,
SO YOU REAP!

THEORY 2 : I would like to call this one as, "THE CARRY FORWARD THEORY".

The way you've lead your past life based on that the blessings/luck/favor are determined for this life.

THEORY 3 : The good & bad deeds that you've performed in this life gets you into either heaven or hell after your death.

THEORY 1

WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND!!!

From our childhood we have learnt that whatever we do to others, good or bad, we receive the same treatment in return. We always receive the fruits of our labour in this life only. If we hurt or betray someone, we receive the same treatment in return. If we help an old lady by carrying her groceries, we would surely be rewarded at some point time for that good deed. Sure, its always nice to be ummm...nice.

But...
Do you seriously think that is true?

Yes???

Okay, lets have a closer look.

Contradiction 1.1 : So, have you every used the words, "hard luck", "oh, that was really unlucky" or "luckily, he got the job" ???
So, then, if LUCK too plays an important role in getting you a job or making you miss the train by a few seconds because of bad traffic on the way to the station; then how come karma which is supposed to be the "core of life" let luck interfere in its personal matters.
Contradiction 1.2 : Now, lets switch our attention to something else, something which every damn human being wants to achieve after he's done and dusted i.e. the heaven (or hell in certain cases).
Every religion, may it be Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism or any other religion, all have one thing in common, actually its two...heaven and hell.

I don't understand that if we get the fruits of our deeds (good or bad) here only, on the earth itself than on what basis will we be going to heaven/hell after our death? No government (except for the Taliban) or court of law gives two punishments for the same crime. This is in direct contradiction to theory no. 3.
Contradiction 1.3 : But, what about theory no. 2? Well, well, well... there can't be a greater contradiction between two theories (except for the theory of gravity and earth sucks theory) than the one found between theories 1 & 2. Now, if you carry forward your sins/deeds from your past life and based on that you get the ripe or rotten fruits in this one, then how come the karma or should I say 'instant karma' (the one pertaining to this life exclusively) actually exist?

THEORY 2

CARRY FORWARD THEORY

According to this theory, the sins I did in the past life will screw up this life and the good deed of the previous life would make me be that envy-of-all / born-with-silver-spoon / million-dollar-baby from the day I was born.

Well, that explains some being born with blue blood while the rest of us trying to make those extra few dollars here & there by bloging and adding Google ads on the right hand column.

Contradiction 2.1 : But, if this is true than what about the widely accepted "Instant Karma" Theory? If this theory is true than how would you explain some one born in poverty and living the same way for the rest of his life inspite of being completely honest while some one else lives a very luxurious & extravagant life even if he's a drug mafia, hit man or a terrorist?
But, this is in direct contradiction with theory 1 and infers contradiction 1.3, that there is something apart from karma that determines whether you are born as a slum dog or a jet setter.
Contradiction 2.2 : If theory 2 is accepted then it directly eliminates any remote possibility of the existence of heaven & hell i.e. theory 3. A person won't be serving his time in heaven or hell simply because he will be doing it in his next life. In other words, as soon as a person dies, a complex calculation is done about the deeds he acted upon in his life and based on that, after a while at the very next possibility he is born in a form and life closest to his resulting average character, back on the face of the earth (i.e. if you don't consider the aliens) or maybe somewhere in the universe (i.e. if you do consider them).

THEORY 3

THE JUDGMENT DAY THEORY

As far as I know all the religions in the world believe that there are 3 worlds, namely; the earth, the heaven and the hell. Now, in order to determine whether you'll be going to serve your sentence in heaven or hell, this is what is done. Once you're dead, a simple arithmetic is done, between your good and bad deeds.

Say, you've done 40% sins and 60% virtues in your lifetime; you will be having 60-40 = 20% virtues to your name. Now, multiply the average virtues to those 20%. Say, your average virtues were 10 vpd (virtues per day), for a period of 50 years, then your time in heaven would be 20 * 10 * 365 = 73,000 heaven units*.

Lets say, if it's the other way around. 40% virtues and 60% sins with an average of 5 spd (sins per day), for 50 years, you'd be serving in hell a total of 20 * 5 * 365 = 36,500 hell units*.

Contradiction 3.1 : If theory 3 holds true then there is no point bothering about the instant karma. Whatever it is, good or bad; we would be receiving it after our death in heaven or hell. That completely falsifies theory 1.
Contradiction 3.2 : If theory 3 is true then why would we get hurt or why would something bad happen to us? Anyways, our soul would be getting the punishments for any wrong doing upstairs then why should we suffer in the human form too? One might argue that as the sins of the other person, but in anyway, that is inflicted upon us which cannot be completely justified by theory 3.
Contradiction 3.3 : Also, if the past life's deeds have any say in the current one then we can completely abolish the existence of and serving in heaven and hell, inferring contradiction 2.2

* hell units/heaven units can be anything like seconds, minutes, hours, days, months or years; depending upon the guidelines laid by the hell or heaven master respectively.

Deeds - Subjective or Objective?

You see there are 2 types way of judging any competition or sport or else anything else, that can get you some kind of reward.

Objective
Subjective

Objective is something that can be counted. A reward is based on a clear cut set guidelines which earn points on achieving certain objective. Say, a Formula 1 race, it has objective results. The first person to finish the race is the winner, even for that matter he has the worst looking car....it doesn't insignificant. This rule is standard all over the world. Thus, we all love objective type of ruling and judgments, simply because of its fairness.

On the other hand, subjective judgment, varies from person to person. A beauty pageant can be called as subjective. Different judges would be having a different winner in his/her mind. The collective points of these judges would give an average lead to one of the competitors and thus crowned the winner. But, such subjective judgments are often criticized for being biased or unfair at times in view of someone or the other.

I could've easily omitted the above 2 paragraphs and would've saved you from the misery of reading it, but I still went ahead and wrote it, just to make you feel a bit disinterested only to bring your interest back in the next paragraphs and surprise you!!! :)

Or maybe not... :-S

Anyways, so since we are thorough with the concept of ~~beauty pageants~~ subjective and objective judgment lets move forward and find out whether deeds are subjective or objective.

Well, logic says that the deeds need to be objective in order to derive a proper and unbiased result for subjective out comes!!!

But here, the logic would be DEFIED...

Yes, its true, deeds ARE subjective. Let us take a minute and switch our attention to something else...SOUL

It is said that....

A body can die, soul can't.

The soul is not big or small...from the smallest insect to a microbe to a human being, they're all equal.

Well well well, what do we have here....ALL SOULS ARE EQUAL ?!?!?!?!

Let's grill this statement further and look for more evidences....shall we? :)

Okay, so all the souls are equal. Whether its a human being, a platypus or a tadpole...all have equal souls. So, that directly translates as....killing a mosquito is the same as murdering someone on the streets. Only difference here would be, that the mosquito would be flying and the person walking. If souls are equal, then why do people consider killing a person a lot more sinful than killing a mosquito? Shan't we understand that its just the body that is different in size, but the soul's not. It remains the same and will always be, may it be for a blue whale or a bacteria.

Could that mean, that getting rid of an ant's nest in your backyard is equivalent to a massacre of a hundred thousand people? Or is there something more to it?

Of course, there is.

How can we forget that deeds ARE subjective and so killing a living organism (read a soul) is different for different living beings based on their size. From our childhood we have been taught that all souls are equal at the same time it was engraved into our minds that killing an ant is not a big deal but killing the neighbor's dog..surely is.

So, is it possible that killing an ant would earn you 2 sin points (that would be later converted to sins in percentage on the judgment day as explained in theory 3) while killing a human would earn something like 2500 sin points and a blue whale maybe 43,000 sin points?

So, I think it would be be safe to say that even though we've been taught that the soul doesn't have shape, size or structure and that all the souls are equal, still they are discriminated based on the shape, size and structure of the body they acquire in visible form.

Also, a conclusion could be drawn that, doesn't matter how objective and justified the structure or calculating deeds may look like, it still is very much subjective and unjustified.

Doesn't matter how conscious we are of our rights, we are still pretty much unconscious of the very thing that we should be conscious of i.e. our after life conclusion architecture.
We might calculate and fight for those redeemable brownie points that we earn after the Christmas shopping or we might keep a track of the no. of credit miles we have left on our petro card, but ironically, we are completely illiterate about the calculations of the no. of miles that we would be covering on the most important journey of our soul i.e. our after life journey.

GHOSTS/SPIRITS

"Let me tell you a story to chill the bones
About a thing that I saw
One night wandering in the everglades
I'd one drink but no more

I was rambling, enjoying the bright moonlight
Gazing up at the stars
Not aware of a presence so near to me
Watching my every move..."

- Dance Of Death
Iron Maiden

The above excerpt are not just lyrics but something that took place last night. After writing the first few paragraphs till "Deeds - Subjective or Objective", I went out next day and then what took place is depicted in the above lines. I met a ghost who...
Before telling you the events of last night let me that this opportunity and tell you that, ghosts these days have become really smart and technologically advanced. They actually surf net and read stuffs written around and in some cases comments to. Well, I know that because, that's exactly what that ghost told me. He said that, he was online other day and read this blog and had a few questions for me. Here's how our conversation went...
GHOST : "Hey there..."
AUTHOR : "Hi. Who are you? And why are you translucent?"
GHOST : "I am Mr. G."
AUTHOR : "Mr. G? What's that supposed to mean? G-spot...(laughs)"
GHOST : "(laughs) I always knew you're funny, could make that out from you blog. Actually it's G for ghost. People often freak out when I say that I'm ghost, therefore, I introduce myself as Mr. G."
AUTHOR : "(freaks out) Youuuuu....w...w...w...what?"
MR G. : "(smug) See!!! Just like that."
AUTHOR : "(still freaked) Ghost...And when did you read my blog?"
MR G. : "Late last night. But, I have some questions."
AUTHOR : "(scared and confused) What question? And do you guys read that stuff? Don't you just h(a)unt at nights"
MR G. : "Nopes. Not anymore."
AUTHOR : "Why not?"
MR G. : "Recession, you see (smiles)"
AUTHOR : "Recession? How come it affect you guys? (saying to himself) I must be really high right now. A ghost hit by recession? :phew: It can't be possible...no ways!!!"
MR G. : "(laughs)No, you're not high and you're not imagining either. and please don't say 'ghost', it hurts. Call me Mr. G. You see, during recession, people don't go out for late night drives, so we don't get our daily dose of people haunt. And also there are many unemployed people (read investment bankers), committing suicides so the competition is also increasing."
AUTHOR : "Man, that's terrible. So what you guys do now?"
MR G. : "Didn't I just tell you. We get online, chat, surf, read blogs and stuff. And that's when I came across yours...and..."
AUTHOR : "(scared)And? And what....?"
MR G. : "And wanted to ask you...what about us?"
AUTHOR : "(confused)What about you?"
MR G. : "Well, you've mentioned people, animals, heaven, earth, in short, just about everything but us. If you consider either theory 2 & 3 then we, would never get the fruits of our labor that we did in the past life."
AUTHOR : "Oops...!!!"
MR G. : "(angry)Oops??? Is that all, you're gonna say?"
AUTHOR : "(shaken)Well. I dunno what to say or do."
MR G. : "Give us a fair trail, that's what you can do."
AUTHOR : "How? There's nothing in my hand. I presented the 3 theories of karma just to show their contradictions. I don't make the rules."
MR G. : "If we don't make the transition from one life to the other then how are going to get the fruits of our labor? We are neither going to the next life nor we are getting to do our gig at the heaven/hell, then how are we supposed to get what we deserve"
AUTHOR : "Well. I think in that case you'll have to ask the God, maybe."
MR G. : "Well, if he was ready to negotiate with us in the first place, then we wouldn't be lying here in this state in the middle of nowhere."
AUTHOR : "Hmmm...that's true!"
MR G. : "(with a sad face)Of course, it is."
AUTHOR : "Don't be sad, dude. There must be a way out."
MR G. : "No, there isn't (and start crying)"
AUTHOR : "Hey, please don't cry."
MR G. : "(tears)It's been so long can't even remember must be 40-50 years"
AUTHOR : "I can understand"
MR G. : "No, you can't you're not haunted. You're sober!!!"
AUTHOR : "(thinks for sometime) Ya maybe. Can I do something to make you feel better except for bending over?"
MR G. : "Ya, just write about me on your lens. And dude, please not you...I am straight (frowns)"
AUTHOR : "(sighs) Me too!!! And now for heaven's sake or rather graveyard's sake, just stop being so emotional. Be a man damn it or for that matter a ghost or whatever it is that you are!!!"
MR G. : "All right, I'm good now. Thanks. So long pal"
AUTHOR : "Adios!!!"

I am sure that Mr. G must be reading this from his Apple iDeath laptop while listening to some death rock on his Apple iGrave player and smiling right now. But on a serious note, what about those souls, who've parted from this world but never made it to the other one upstairs or made the u-turn back here???

Don't they deserve a fair trial too?

Finally, I think it would be safe to say that we don't really know how Karma works if at all it exists in the first place, but all we can do is follow our heart and be a better human being without thinking about how full/empty is the barrel that holds our good/bad deeds.

P.S. : If you feel that you've already this one, then you very well possibly have. This is the first blog post I ever wrote. I thought of putting it here as many people know this site so thought of sharing with everyone over where. You can still find the original post over here.

3G Life

2010-11-03T00:41:00.007+05:30

There's too much buzz going around these days about 3G mobile technology coming to Indian shores and all. But, I still can't seem to forget how humbly it all started. No, I'm not talking about Mr. Bell, I'm talking about how the mobile phones were once projected as something only a person capable of buying a Mercedes could afford it. I still remember that day when my father was riding me to school and on the way, I saw a man talking on a mobile phone for the first time and thought "Wow...that guy must be really loaded. The day I could afford a mobile phone, I'd consider myself to be rich." Those were the days when an outgoing would cost you as much as Rs. 16 per minute & Rs. 14 per minute for incoming.

Not sure, if everyone has vivid memories of how & when they saw mobile phone for the first time but I'm sure everyone still remembers having child like excitement on beating someone else's top score in a humble game of Snake.

We all have come a long way since then...but now, what next?

The answer is...

3G Life.

So, what is this 3G?

Unless you're above the age of 43 or living under a rock, you'd already be knowing what 3G actually is. In either case, I don't need to tell you about 3G; as at that age there's no way, you'd not know what 3G actually means and still manage to find a link to his blog (unless you happen to glance over your son's shoulder when he's reading this blog) nor it's possible to get an ISP to provide net connection under that rock your living currently, Heck, I'll still explain it anyways. So, it's basically 3rd Generation Mobile which will provide you a host of features which you can't even think of, or maybe you can. And no, it doesn't mean Gorilla Gangs of Guatemala.

Video Calling

Video Calling is something homo sapiens have fantasized ever since they made the first cave painting. Tata Docomo has finally made that dream come true for Mr. Neanderthal with 3G.

Apart from Mr. Neanderthal asking his wife, which tree she'd like him to climb, there a bunch of other random things that you and me can do via Video Calling.

So, its proven 3G spreads love, salvages relationships & reduces the number of break ups. In other words,

3G is a Cupid's insurance policy.

For those of you, who don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend...you can use 3G more wisely like this fellow here.

Mobile TV

Have you ever felt that you have a one too less television sets in your house?

Have you ever been dragged to a boring weeding of your mother's cousin's younger brother's father-in-law's neighbor's nephew's tailor's son?

Do you often find yourself fighting with your mother, sister, wife and/or maid (if you're a female, read father, brother, husband and/or milkman) for controlling the remote control?

If you answer YES to one, two, three or all of the above questions then look no further; 3G is all you require.

Don't believe what I'm saying, listen to what this guy over here has to say...

Remote Surveillance

When on a vacation, how many times have you felt that... "Did I switch all the light off?", "Have I closed that tap properly?", "Did I put the toilet seat down?", ~~"Have I locked that porn movie folder in C drive after watching it last night?"~~, "Was the front door properly locked?" ??

If such questions bother you, then 3G is THE thing for you. All you need to do is to put up a prison rivaling surveillance cameras in your house and connect the thing with internet and bham!!! You can monitor and check your couch, utensils, pillow, toilet paper and everything in between right from your mobile phone.

This is exactly what this guy has in mind. Well, not exactly, but, more or less.

High Speed Data Transfer

The biggest problem in our country is that everything runs/works/happens with breakneck speed; that includes traffic, internet speeds, infrastructure projects, legal matters as well as getting a certification saying the said person has left this planet, Amen. And with breakneck speed I mean, nothing gets done till you get frustrated and break someone's neck or vice versa.

But with 3G, that's gonna change. You'll no longer age between page visits. You will no longer grow a child by the time a movie gets downloaded. No longer will you spend doing the chores around the house by the time your new DP gets uploaded. Never again you'll weave a mattress till a 3min youtube video gets buffered.

Video On Demand

Wouldn't it be great if you could record the live cricket match and then watch it laters when you're free, unless you happen to be as lucky as this fellow who has all the time in world to watch it, possibly even in 3D?

What would you do if you're tired and sleepy and can't stay up for that late night Barcaleno match, as you'll be having a semi important presentation next day? Just record it and watch it next day or just demand it as & when you need it. Yes, you CAN demand your favorite football game, k-serial, Miss Universe or that particular episode of Koffee with Karan that you missed while boozing with your friends at the bar.

Video Gaming

Now, thanks to 3G, gaming is not just geek forte. Everyone, can now get a piece of the uber cool gaming industry. Now you can drive a Formula Car, diffuse a nuclear bomb, shake a leg Elvis style, save the world from zoombies & much more...all thanks to Tata Docomo's 3G Life. And what more, you do compete against that 8year old kid from Tokyo who considers himself a Gaming God. So, are you ready to kick some Japanese ass?

Apart from these cliche advantages, there are many other individual specific benefits too...

Don't trust me? Check out for yourself.

E-schooling

Staying in touch with specially gifted people

Rural India connectivity

Traffucked? Not anymore

Reduces Corruption

Makes you spiritual

Make you go crazy

So now you see, how excited this universe is about 3G? Infact, so exicted were the blokes at Indiblogger that while putting up the Tata Docomo banner on their site, they got all teary eyed out of excitement and the anxiety of a cheap 3G plan made their fingers tremble so much that at first they got the contest end date a lil wrong.

But worry not, a cold shower and half a dozen pints later they realized their silliness and changed the end date from 5th August to 5th November.

So, what are you waiting for? Go get yourself a Tata Docomo 3G connection, now.

STATUTORY WARNING: This blog is strictly written in public interest. Well, actually it's written for this contest but I'd like to consider that it's written in public interest as I'll not only be competing for this contest but also imparting knowledge, making the sponsors of this contest happy and the blokes at Indiblogger a bit richer. All the proceeding from the prize money will go towards protection of mankind as I won't go crazy and kill the judges and voters for not winning some mollah. So if you're registered user of Indiblogger, I'd request you to vote for ME inorder to keep my violence in check.

P.S. The twitter images shown in this blog have all been a part of the #My3GLife # tag, that was launched by Tata Docomo as a part of an online competition, hence, I'd like to thank Tata Docomo and all the participants for the same. Or not.

Why Indian Toilet is better than Western Toilet?

2010-09-23T05:43:00.002+05:30

People who have Italian marbles, Jacuzzi & luxurious bath fittings often look down on those who have simple Indian toilets & not "stand-up" English Toilet. Today, let us ponder on the reasons why Indian toilets are better than their English counterparts and laugh at their faces & toilet papers. :P

Here are 10 reasons, why Indian Pot is much much much better than the Western Paradigm...

1. Better digestion

When you sit in the position that you do, your whole digestive system is being pressed hence the food gets churned, down to the last ounce giving you a more uniform slurry, as a result you get a much cleaner stomach.

2. No long queues

You see, the Indian toilet was designed by the same guys who engineered the Great Pyramids, built the Rome & drew Nazca lines. They had great know-how about architecture as well as human anatomy and various other fairly uninteresting things like building a giant 3D triangle on top of someone's grave, et al. They used this knowledge and made this ingenious design where you have to sit in squat position, giving just enough time to make you get your things done but not long enough to take a newspaper and read it all day long while others in the queue are holding their bowels. By the time the small bucket next to you gets filled up, you're feet will be starved of oxygen and you'll be compelled to finish the job at hand soon.

Although, there have been reports of few seasoned players who sit through the excruciating pain and soon enough, they can't feel their feet and experience levitation, but those are truly exceptional cases.

3. Leg workout

As mentioned above, some people who've managed to live through the pain have actually never had any knee/calf/leg muscle related issues. On the contrary, some have even managed to make our country proud. (point in case, P. T. Usha) :P

4. No unwanted NRI relatives.

We all know how irritating it is, when that irritating cousin from New York or that baldy uncle from London drops by and stay for weeks at end, just cause only YOU of all the relatives happen to have his favorite "English" toilet. You can do away with all of this trouble by swapping the good 'ol English toilet with a brand new Indian one.

5. Keeps you Humble.

You'll never have any sort of attitude, as even during your Nirvana moments, you'll always stay down to earth.

6. Protects the wild life.

Yes, its a fact. Wild life love Indian toilets. Here's why?

India Toilet = No English Toilet = No Toilet Paper = No Cutting of Trees = Green Forest cover = Thriving Wildlife

7. Look & Feel.

A toilet paper or a water spray can never replace the human touch.

8. Platform Independence.

Geeks will understand this one better. Indian Toilets are not platform dependent. You need not always have a pot under your ass. On road trips and during emergencies, your body will subconsciously take 'that' shape (at the side of the road, on railway tracks, at the edge of a cliff or by the river) and before you know, you would've relieved yourself from the cluthes of your kidney. This is not possible in case of English Toilets.

9. UnPeek-A-Booable

As the Indian Pot doesn't provide any sort of stool like base for one to stand up on it, hence in public restrooms, it's near impossible for someone is the adjoining confines stand up and spy on you when you're at your innocent best.

10. Fun

Let's face it, it's a lot more fun. The grown ups too get a chance to be so close to the ground without being embarrassed. :P

ALL

HAIL!

Ramzan Trail

2010-09-12T02:52:00.002+05:30

If you happen to be in Mumbai and a nonveg worshiper or a bicurious (with bicurious I mean, someone who's curious about veg as well as nonveg delicacies), you have to, I mean absofuckinlutely have to visit Mohammed Ali Road atleast once during the holy month of Ramzan. It's almost like a ritual for nonveg lovers.

So, after the Mohd. Ali Road plan getting screwed up multiple times, our stomachs did a round table conference for full 127seconds and finally decided to go there on Wednesday night (about 4 days before Eid).

I'll start from the time when I reached Grant Road Station as Miillee (ex Miss Safedi ki Chamkar from Indibloggers meetup) suggested that its nearer to MAR (Mohd. Ali Road) compared to Churchgate. Guess she was correct, or maybe not. Anyways, so she being a sweet girl that she is (not), she reached before time. She had told me that she's bringing her sister alongwith, which was one of the rare good news I heard from her in a long time. So, I being a gentleman came perfectly on time at 8.30ish. Apparently, we both were looking for some cash and so decided to meetup at this particular ATM. I walked towards the said place and there she was, standing in blue jeans, bluish top & a turquoise umbrella with FRILLS. :O

Knowing the kinda nice guy I am, Miilee never bothered to introduce me to her sister, Janhavi and so I had to introduced myself with casual hi-hello. Since the girls came before me, they utilized the time well by using the ATM and it was my turn now. Apparently, the ATM was already occupied by a fat lady who was taking more time to take the cash out then it would take for you to read this crap that I've written. At this point I thought of going and telling her that since she's taking so long, she can take out some cash for me as well. My bad, she heard my loud mental thoughts and rushed out. Anyways, so after taking out the cash & knowing the per capital income of Dharavi in the form of my bank balance, we took a cab and headed towards MAR. In the cab, a very genuine and formal discussion took place between me and Jahanvi as to why we both think that Miilee is a "blonde".

In a while we reached some place leading upto MAR and owing to the smooth traffic, we decided to leave the Cab and walk with half a million other people towards MAR to meet all the other guys who were waiting for us. Finally, we reached Suleiman Mithaiwala and met Ranjeet (the man-in-charge), Rajesh (the guy with the car), Mohit (a typical engineer. *hi5*) & Harmanjit (the guy who thought he was duped, as he was the first & only one to reach at one point of time). :P

From there Mr. Ranjeet took the charge and informed that, we'll be starting our food endeavor not from this tourist place where all the amateurs eat but from this other place called Baarahandi or something, which is less crowded and where all the pros hog. Sounded like a plan. Indeed it was. Walked through the traffic for a while and reached at this quite looking lane where a couple of food joints were visible. Ranjeet told us that this where we'll start bothering our collective digestive systems and so we obliged.

Anyone who's even partially aware about having food at road side stalls know that the sensitivity of your tastebuds is directly proportion to your distance from the drainage. Okay, please stop making those weird faces and be honest, we all know the source of water in which they cook those delicacies and honestly speaking, the "water" adds a peculiar flavor without which it'll taste just like our home food (healthy & tasteless). :P

Anyways, so the same thing happened to me. At baara handi we ordered Paya Soup, Nalli nihari & but ofcourse Baara Handi. While everyone else were indulging in the food I could barely taste let alone smell it, only to realize that I was sitting at the furtherest end of the table barely a chair away from the drainage opening. :-S I somehow tried to squeeze myself towards the inside of the table and away from the coverless drainage opening and literally buried my nose (well, almost) thrice into the food and finally jump started my taste buds. Baara handi simply means 12 bowls. It consists of 12 different types of curries whose taste I can't describe it to you, as my tongue was hibernating at that time. Then I tried Nalli nihari which is basically the thigh bone according to Ranjeet. They told me, its tasty but what I ate was certainly a thigh bone of a leprosy patient. At this point of time, Mohit told us a creepy story about his childhood. When his mom used to make Nalli nihari, he'd eat the meat off the bone and use thigh bone as straw to drink the curry. Wow, now that'll make any schizophrenic bone collector proud. :| Though I tasted Paaya Soup, I'm not the right person to tell you, how it tastes? I'm not a soup person, so it's better you try it out yourself.

After that funny experience, as we were about to move, it started pouring. So all the wise men (baring me ofcourse) decided to give their valueable belongings like wallet, mobile phone & Rajesh's bone shattering Blackberry to Miilee as she was the only one who had a big bag and a bigger umbrella (with FRILLS).

Just 25 yards later we saw this place....

...and couldn't resist sitting by the hot grill in crazy rain. We had 3 different types of chicken - green, white & saffron colored; which was aptly named Chicken Tiranga. I, being a chicken enthusiast hogged onto it till everyone stood up from their seats making me look like an Ethiopian drought victim.

Just then Ranjeet announced that its time for all of us to bid adieu to the lane of pros and head back to the more famous, tourist lane for more food. This post is already too long, so without boring you guys (those, you've managed to read this far without fainting, sleeping or killing themselves) with the route that we passed by and the number of steps we took, I'll direct take to the destination.

*Cut to the famous lane on MAR where most people hog.*

Our food guide, Ranjeet ordered couple of Khichdas. For those wondering, what it is? It's basically Khichdi on steroids. In other words you can say, it's the nonveg loving hubby of Khichidi ben. :P

Since 6 of us were sharing 2 Khichdas, I never got the actual meat piece which is the essence of it and so my opinion towards Khichdi, Khichda & their kids is indifferent as far. In the middle of all this Miilee drank all the remaining liquid from the bowl showing us what a Khichda sucking pest she is. I know, you could've lived your life without reading that line, but it was such a nice phrase that I had coined for Miilee at that time, that I couldn't resist putting it here. :P (Sorry Miilee. *hi5* Jahnvi)

Following which we went to the next lane to a downmarket restaurant as we thought it was a bit too filthy to sit outside, only to come and sit outside a minute later for reasons yet not known to mankind & me.

While Ranjeet was still busy outside, trying to figure out where else we can eat. The rest of us thought of ordering a couple of things just so that we're allowed to sit in the wet chairs instead of standing in the rains. So, we ordered Chicken 65 which strangely had only 15 pieces. No kidding. :/

Also, the manager thought that it'll be cute if he'd order half-cooked Kheeri for us. To add to the misery, when asked for green chutney, he gave us a Chlorine based flourescent green pesticide. Impressive!

These is the second of the two pics I could take before which my cellphone battery passed out.

After tasting some Chlorine, we had a genuinely genius idea of learning about a goat's anatomy by tasting its different organs. Hence, we moved to a food stall next door and had Bheja Fry (yes its actually a dish and not just a lingo that Harmanjit thinks it to be), Gurda Fry Masala (after putting the goat on dialysis) & Kaleji (cut a goat's heart out, add salt & masala & fry it. Basically its the same thing that your exes have done to you).

By the time, we finished our goat, our media friends Abhinn, Anil, Subhashish & Prasanth had arrived with their colleagues . Much to their horror, we were almost done by then and so they had to hog on their own without any help from us. And while they were at it, we made ourselves diabetes prone by heading over to Noorani Mithaiwala. Everyone outside of me had Lassi and I being a non-sweet-toothed creature, tasted Malpua as if obliging. Huh, lucky them! :P

After this we all unanimously agreed that we shouldn't have anything more else the blog post will become harrowingly long and so we headed home. The contents of what happened after leaving MAR till we reached home would not be disclosed by any of us, as agreed upon. :P

Note: The font colors are not just for show or to keep the readers anchored to the blog, they automatically appears as I write the name of any food item, representing the ideal color of that delicacy.

Twilight - Review

2010-08-28T12:41:00.003+05:30

Finally, I can say, I've seen it. *sigh*

After almost 2 years of its release, I finally saw Twilight on television courtesy, Star Movies. Girls don't make that :O face, ask the boys who're reading this post, they'd agree that no self respecting, level headed, "straight" guy has wasted his money to watch this movie on the giant screen. Unless, he took his girlfriend or was dragged by his wife to watch it. In either case the said guy creature has walked ut of that door with the big green EXIT symbol, utterly disappointed. Why you'd ask? - well that's because if he has taken his girlfriend to the movie, she ummm...saw the movie ONLY; and if his wife has dragged him, then...well that's self explanatory.

I'm one of those fortunate souls who was spared of this misery.

Anyways, so I watched it on television and it was a disaster as expected.

Now don't look at me and ask, why did I watch the movie? Okay, go ahead, you can ask. Well, the reason being, whenever I tell any girl "oh that's a hideous movie!" She'd turn back and ask, "How do you know, you haven't even seen it. Have you?"

So today, I finally decided to go through that mental torcher to tell all the chicks that...

"YES I'VE SEEN TWILIGHT AND ITS HIDEOUS!!!"

Ha, see now I got you by your tails. Wait, that's not your tail...oops sorry.

Now, let me also add insult/abuse to injury by describing it to your algae textured tiny lil brains, why I hated it?

Here it goes... So, the story basically starts when this semi-cute chick Isabella (henceforth described as Bella) moves to this new town called Fork which is actually a cross between a windows' meadows wallpaper and Sleepy Hollow. She takes admission into this new high school where a bone complexioned pervert guy - Edward, starts stalking her. At this point, you can also make a note of the fact that his acting skills are slightly better than a reindeer and his face is as expressive as a stone.

Then there are scenes of them doing timepass in some lab with a microscope & Edward talking to Bella around the lockers as confidently as a dork & so on...

Moving on, they both get talking and the same old story good girl-falls-for-the-bad-guy shit, happens. Bella gets especially impressed when a black "yo momma" dude, trying to do drift his pickup truck almost runs into Bella. Almost - that's because Edward (from across the parking lot, or so Bella claims) jumps right in front of her and stops the pickup with his left hand crushing the side front door panel. (man, those panels are costly :/ ) That's Twilight equivalent of Peter Parker saving Mary Jane's lunch with his quick reflexes.

After getting bored of Edward's broken pickup lines, Bella just thinks of poking him on facebook but sadly he's not there. So, she watches some good ol' porn and googles stuff randomly

Okay I made that up, some of it. But, yeah she does google stuff about blood sucking vampires and by some logic not known to mankind links a homicide that happened in their town to google links and Edwards color-changing eyes and figures out that Edward is infact a Vampire. *tadaa*

At this point of time, you're probably bored of this post and wanna leave it, but I suggest you hang on as there's some hot romance coming up.

Moving on. Bella counters Edwards and he accepts he is indeed a "guilty as charged" Vampire. She tells him that she loves him and he takes her for a ride. Okay, not that ride you pervert, but a real one. Asks her to sit on his back (yes with her clothes on) and zooms to the top of the mountain to show her how his skin sparkles in sunlight thanks to a new facepack & body scrub (available only for the Vampires).

Impressed, she tells him how she want to be with him forever. All in the name of a facepack & a body scrub?? Women, I tell you!!

In between, like a typical Indian middle class family style, Edward explains how he's a strict vegetarian in Vampire terms, i.e., he only drink animal's blood. And boy, was she glad? Meaning, if he turns non-veg, she'll be his first meal. To me that sounded like a vegan falling in love with a pig & kissing her too. :-S

Which reminds me, he apprehensively kisses her once (and once in the end) & that's about it.

Also, he introduces her to his vegan family where a couple of recently converted vegans figures out she'd be an awesome delight to cook, but still they curb their desires for Edward. At this point, we feel sorry for the family for all these sacrifices that they're making. This'll remind you of the Adams Family, but slightly less realistic.

After a couple of days, ~~the Adams Family~~, Cullen family all of a sudden gets all recreational and decided to have a game of baseball. This was the only part, that'll be of lil interest to any dude, relatively speaking, that's cause it looked more like Shaolin Soccer with Baseball.

Just when they seemed to be having fun, few (3 to be specific) nonveg Vampires arrive and like a new neighborhood kid asked "You mind if we join you? Pleeejjjj..." In the mean time, the diehard nonvegetarian - James, smells his food and tries to pounce on Bella. As a result, rivalries take place and from here you can almost guess it all.

Then, the usual merry-go-round, hunt/protection for Bella commences. The bad guy, James pretends to have Bella's mother in captivity and forces her to come out of her cave and meet him at the said location without informing the Cullen family, Police, CIA, FBI, Interpol or Scotland Yard.

Finally, Bella goes to meet James to free her mother with her blood as ransom only to find that he was bluffing. Must say, if he was bothered he'd make millions in Poker. But till the time she realised the setup, it was too late and after a little swearing, crying and pepper spraying, James gets to take the first bite. Just then Edward arrives, takes in charge of the situation and with help from his family kills James. RIP.

But, the venom from vampire bite was spreading into Bella and only way Edward could save her was by sucking it all out from the same wound which he did. Which, technically means that Edward and James smooched, indirectly...ewwww...gross. :-S

Finally Bella got well with a broken leg piece and they lived happily ever after. Actually, only Edward lived "ever after", IMO Bella died few decades later; unless she too was converted to Vampirism which remains to be seen in another equally pathetic sequel. :P

All in all, this movie was nothing but a boring conglomerate of several interesting blockbusters put together just to show everyone HOW CAN A VAMPIRE & A HUMAN INTERBREED?!?!

VERDICT: I'll give this movie one middle finger out of five. :P

P.S. Nothing against gay, I specifically mentioned straight in first para (now don't scroll up to read again) only because I know chicks and gays fantasize this Edward guy.

Apologies, for promising hot romance in between. I lied because I wanted you guys to read through the post. Nothing ever happened in the movie. Even the lips barely spread a couple of times, let alone the legs.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsiblity

2010-08-21T03:44:00.006+05:30

First of all let me clarify, I think we all got off on a wrong foot here. Most of the people who've already read my other posts think that I just blog about random, shitty, unnecessary, stupid stuff. So, I just thought of writing this post and showing it to everyone that I do & can take sense; and CAN give useful advice like others.

This post is for all those who're low on confidence and who think that they're pathetic-filthy-good-for-nothing-slimy-pests-on-the-face-of-this-earth. Incase, you're not one such creature then let me save you some time and inform you in advance that this post will do no good for you. You needn't waste your time reading it and this thing IS infact pointless like you thought it would be.

Back to pests. You see, you guys ain't that pathetic, you all are actually quite responsible people. Infact, each one of you (and if I think harder, I guess I too) is responsible; unless you happen to be a 3 year old or a serial killer serving your life sentence, in which case you don't have access to the internet and you're not reading this. Implies, each one of you IS infact responsible. Wait, where was I?

Nevermind, so now the question arises, how come each and everyone of you is responsible? - Well, that's because...

1. The very fact that you've made an attempt to better your lives by reading this post.

2. You ain't serving a life sentence for killing anyone.

Point #2 is of utmost importance. You see, all of us has the power to kill. Look around, every single object around us can be used as a weapon to kill someone, but we don't. That implies, we're responsible enough to take care of our actions (wipe the blood stains from the floor, if it goes out of hand).

If you're a working professional reading this from your office, look around, look at that pen on the desk; you can totally use it to stab your boss, but you don't. Partly cause, you don't want him to die such a painless death. Anyways whatever the reason, still you don't.

Incase, you're a student follow these steps:

1. Copy paste the above paragraph.

2. Replace office with school/college.

3. Replace boss with teacher/professor/principal.

4. You got my point.

Exception: If you're a student and you still didn't get my point, congrats you're a geek. :P

And if you're a housewife, take a look at that knife and tell me what comes to your mind first? If its a cabbage, congrats you're responsible. But, if blood come to your mind, sorry to say you need psychiatric help. If neither of it comes to your mind then sorry to say your family needs a cook. Right now.

But in case, you're neither a working professional nor a student or a housewife and still reading this then I'd propose you stop wasting your time on forwarded links these and go look for a job.

Most of you can drive a car or ride a bike. Say, a mentally blind person all of a sudden jumps in front of your vehicle, what do you do? You brake. - RESPONSIBILITY

At times you see a jerk standing at the edge of a cliff/bridge trying to be a hero. You can totally push his ear lobe with your pinky and he'd go supermanning over the edge BUT you don't do it. - RESPONSIBILITY

The same holds true with the use rather lack of mis-use of a hammer, screwdriver, stapler, chopsticks & a toothpick. - RESPONSIBILITY, RESPONSIBILITY, RESPONSIBILITY, RESPONSIBILITIES & RESPONSIBILITY, respectively.

Responsibility is not only in not killing but also saving a life. Start with your own, charity begins at home. You could be powerful enough to overpower yourself and get yourself killed, but should be responsible enough to know that it might hurt and hence should not be done.

I guess at the end of this post, I would've enlightened you with these 4 things -

BE POWERFUL, BE RESPONSIBLE, FIND MORE PAINFUL WAYS TO KILL THE BOSS/PROFESSOR & GET A COOK.

IndiBloggers meetup

2010-08-16T22:33:00.022+05:30

There's every chance that by now, you've already read atleast half a dozen blogs on this topic... if not I seriously hope you stop living under that rock.

Anyways, so it had to happen at Burj Al Arab but since this is not happening at Dubai and given Mumbai's traffic situation it finally happened at Hotel Sea Princess, Mumbai.

(please don't put that lame joke that came to your mind about how its easier to fly to Dubai than traverse through Mumbai traffic, in the comments section. Thanks.)

Well, Sea Princess isn't that bad either...they have 2.57 stars less than Burj Al Arab but they have parking for 2 wheelers which is perfect for me...atleast my bike won't be towed.

So, I reached the hotel, parked my bike & entered the lift after receiving a not-so-pleasant "you again? :|" kinda stare from the doorman. Second floor Regal Room (or so I think its called) was pretty nice, although few cheer leader won't have hurt either.

Few guys in black tee were blocking the way and before I could figure out, they asked me to move to left and register myself.

Mental thoughts - "Register? Again? Are you nuts? I've already done that? :|"

Just then a very cute girl with a cuter smile asked me to enter my email id. :)

Mental thoughts - "Wow...now that's easy. I can do that. You sure you only need mail id? With a smile like that, I can even give you my password."

Well I obliged.

So then over the course of time, more people started pouring in and every ass took a seat. In the mean time, I glanced over to the tables where meal would be served and realised that it'll be enough to end a hungry strike. My resting ass was infact restless and as I was sitting next to the girl in white saree...devil thoughts had to take over. Glanced over to the furtherest end of the room and saw this giant screen on which live "#indimum" tweets were projected.

And so I humbly tweeted... "Bazingaaaaa.... This tweet doesn't say anything, just wanted to see my name on the big screen. :P"

5 mins later glanced over to my left and saw Ms. Safedi ki chamkaar playing Farmville on her laptop. I couldn't resist tweeting this achievement on the big screen but unfortunately for her by then there was some un-technical problem and next time the site refreshed, my tweet went way down the screen to be visible.

In between all this bullshit, Mr. Time did its job pretty well of running away and finally at exactly 2pm IST, that's around 14.32.537 hrs...the meet started. One of the Indiblogger guys started with the usual "welcome-we're-excited-to-be-here-blah-blah" stuff that you've already read on other blogs. Not to forget he had this very heavy Banglorean Accent which is equivalent to Monotype Corsiva in Oral Sense.

After telling us how much they hate each other, finally BigRock people presented a not-so-boring ummm...presentation.

Oh ya, they're the same guys who gave us freaking cool, creative and yet slightly erotic freebies.

I mean, look at this...

How creative one has to be to come up with a dildo that can write? Awesome na? Sorry ladies, I know this is gross but hey, no one complained while they were distributing it.

And now, looks at this thing...

Believe it or not, this thing write in the color of refined poo.

This alongwith semi-hilarious ppt slides takes the cake for the most entertaining presentation for the evening cause the only other ppt guys were HP blokes who showed their latest look-I'm-so-bored-of-lying-around-I'll-even-print-your-mails Printer.

Then came the part for which everyone was waiting for - *drum rolls* 29 seconds of fame *drum rolls*

At first, it was going to be *violins* 69seconds of fame *violins* but then it tickled a one too many funny bone so finally they discounted 40seconds, down to 29.

Some actually went for the glory giving their Oscar Speech for a duration that almost seemed like 1.7 seconds short of eternity while some played their best Black Jack hand and kept it below 21.

And all this just to win a year long .com domain...huh, what loosers! :P

Here are the top five though (not necessarily in that order)...

"I failed my tenth standard and flew off to Italy to fall in love with a 60 year old painter. But then he died and I went to Russia and got into a scam so I moved to Himachal and have been living there as a yogi. Hello everyone I'm a story-teller."

"I used to blog on philosophy and life, also love stories but then I got dumped. Now I blog only on programming and software development."

"I didn't blog for 1.5yrs and I attained IndiRank 1...and I thought wow, that's awesome. After a while Vineeth met me and when I told him that I'm the best, I'm no.1; he told me its not a rank its percentile, 1 is the worst...you have to reach to 100 to be the best."

''I have two kids and three blogs.''

"I'm a Man Utd supported so boo to you *Arsenal fan* and you *Liverpool fan* I blog about serious things such as 10 reasons why you should not rape your maid, etc." - These were the famous words quoted by yours truly. *smug* :P

Done with the introductions, now it was back biting/bitching time. Yes, that's what they meant when they said... "okay so hang this piece of paper around your neck towards the back side and let people write whatever they want."

I had a few very interesting things writing on my backpaper as well...

"write something serious like 10things to know before raping a maid" << How would I know?

"how about 10things to do in a loo?" << You're scaring me now. Sorry, I'm not like 'that'. :-S

"Your intro scared me" << Who's wrote this?

"the Scandali-ser @_alps " << :-S

"1 reason why Shiney Ahuja needs to read your blog @gkamblogs " << Who's Shiney Ahuja?

"Bee! Aye, (now) I know why! @shrikant " << Really? oops! :O

"Plz dont be a father" << Sorry no other option, can't be a mother. :/

"you are a lot like me - gtoosphere.blogspot.com " << Really nice of you to say that. It touched my belly button.

"Fuck Off" << Someone please tell me who the fuck wrote these nice words? Takes the cake.

While people were busy, scribbling my back I managed to catch a few half-sandwiches and a chocolate cookie as others cribbed about the tasteless coffee.

And now...may I present to you the one and only Gul Panag. *cord strike*

I know till now I didn't mention her, cause I wanted people to read the post atleast till this point cause from here on half the readers (who came at the meet) are gonna rush away to tweet her "Was great meeting you!!" for the 74th time.

Apart from the usual "can I click a picture with you" excited fan, also saw many "showbiz wannabes" crowding her expecting to leave an impression and get some favors which was a lil lame. :P

Anyways, so Gul was there and we didn't speak much...rather at all. We even came & left separately pretending to barely know each other. Didn't even pose together for clicks so that nobody spread any rumors or sense anything. She was looking gorgeous as always in that checkered top which I never gifted....hope everything's clear now.

By the way, she also moderated a discussion thingy which ended up in more questions and many more bursting bladders. Details of which can be obtained from other sane posts which you must've already read. (I'm still bothered with some of you living under the rock thing.)

It all ended with a special first ever preview of Soch Lo for the bloggers which was something that I'd like to describe as INTERESTING. At the end of 10min preview more than a few females crowded the writer/director/actor guy, who some thought was hot. Good for them.

What followed can only be described as "This is what I came for!!!" - The T-shirt Ceremony. Yes, after being promised at the start of the meet that we won't be given any tees, the Indiblogger team finally gave into cries, howls, abuses and obliged.

Finally the Sea Princess people got tired of keeping the lights and airconditioning ON. We thought we should leave the poor guys alone and head to the real life, and so we did.

Must say, it was one crappy meet. I mean think of it, they could've kept it on Saturday, 14th August or next weekend 21st/22nd August... but no, they absolutely had to keep it on 15th, so that if anybody asks for liquor they can deny saying "sorry buddy, its a dry day." Bloody cheapsters.

Anyways, its their loss, if people can give such rocking intros as sober, think what all could've happened had it been a liquor-flowing, beer guzzling, getting sloshed day?

Okay fine, I enjoyed and it rocked. There I said it, happy now?

P.S. Some names I should mention else they'd assassinate me...

Anubha - She still hasn't treated me for something. :(

Rati - We hate each other. :P

Hardik - He was the only guy at IndiMum, I've known personally before I met him online.

Netra - She thinks we're distant relatives, nonsense. :P

Sorry, can't take everybody's name. Blogpost says, its running out of server space. :/

Beginner's guide to the wild tropical sweat forest of Health Clubs

2010-05-20T23:53:00.005+05:30

Health Club / Fitness Center / Gym / Body Sculpting Studio / Iron Pumping Factory or whatever you call it, fact remains its a jungle out there and stepping into the wild isn't easy for the newbies.

For those who're playing to take the plung into this wild wild world, let me familiar you with the various species you'll be encountering over there.

1. Moaner: Its scientifically proved that, moans travel faster than actions and you'll experience it as soon as you step into the sweat heaven. This species is know for its loud grunts that generally sounds like... "aaahhhhh", "uuuuhhhh", "huuuuuuhhhh", "faaaaaaakkkkkkk", et all. The strongest part of this species are his vocal cord muscles. He visits the gym to add stamina and power to his Adam's apple to facilitate much louder grunts at the time of mating.

2. Adviser: This species falsely prides itself in being know-it-all, long nosed creature. It has a natural tendency to disturb others physical routine and gives unasked advice inorder to win uncalled attention. They would go to the extent of enforcing their pokes by taking away your props and touch you at weird places to correct (read disrupt) your postures.

3. Socialiser: This creature never misses an opportunity to mark his territory with his musky sweat. He's generally found around the treadmill swamps and bicycle grasslands where large herds of female kinds are found strolling about. Occasionally, this creature is even seen around watercooler watering holes taking tips and networking with other alpha males for some or the other personal gain.

4. Playlister: This species is highly sensitive to sounds and thus at all times tries to have most satisfactory and optimum decibel levels.

5. Poser: This is the most hilarious creature of the lot and is found in largest number across the territory. Their large numbers, more than makes up for their lack of power, which they utilize to bother other larger species. They're more amused by a simple mirror than orangutans. According to scientific estimates they spend 87% of their time making retarded and preposterous poses. Since the beginning of evolution, this species has been trying to take over the world but physically speaking, they haven't done it yet.

6. Fighter: They are smallest in numbers but are feisty by nature and belong to a secret practice of "The I'll-despise-everything-and-everyone!". They would bark at others for anything and everything from leaving their napkin anywhere except their hands ,to keeping a dumbbell 3cms from where they picked it up, to leaving the toilet seat up/down/whatever. However they often tuck their tails between their legs when they encounter other larger creatures.

7. Roadroller: This species has characteristics of various species like, activeness of a sloth, body fat percentage of a hippopotamus and asthetics of a camel. He's also nicknamed as milestone, cause every single repetition and ever single ounce of weight is a milestone.

8. Builder: This creature is truly the king of this jungle. He's the alpha-male and the object of desire of every female to have healthy youngones with. He's everything that our previous species is not.

I guess now everyone's clear with the unknown territory and its fiercest species. Hopefully, now you'll be able to tackle everyone gleefully.

Fuel Tank or Fool's Tank?

2010-05-19T20:05:00.000+05:30

Why is it that we get to see longggggg queues on petrol pumps the evening before the fuel price hike? I mean, whenever the inflation's cheerleaders, the so-called "government" announces price hike, people rush to the petrol pumps as if, its a 98% off Christmas sale! Get a life people, an increase of Rs. 1-1.50-2 is not gonna make you sell off your kidneys.
Lets say, you have a 2 wheeler, you're not saving more than 15 bucks even with a full tank. That's the same amount you'll be saving if you don't ask for extra extra cheese on your cheesy hamburgers, not mentioning the favor you and your ass will be doing to your body and the seat, respectively.

Even if you have a car, with a 50 liter fuel tank, at max. what you'll save is 100bucks. 100 bucks that's another 2 liters of fuel. Considering you're getting your lazy ass up and driving to pumps especially to be a part of the brainless dash to make your tank overflow.... you're already wasting fuel worth a similar amount considering you'll be crawling through long queues keeping your engine on and then again wasting a similar amount by not turning your keys to the left at red signals during the trip.

This especially pains me coz, on that fateful day if someone actually has some emergency and has to top his tank up, he'll have to wait endless to see a series of dickheads hitting a jackpot with a full tank before getting his turn to have a genuine refuel. Not Cool! *shaking head*

SANTA CLAUS FACTS

2010-05-05T00:05:00.006+05:30

20 Facts about Santa Claus you never knew.

Santa Clause Fact #1 : He likes to have red ribbon for desserts.

Santa Clause Fact #2 : He's a big Ferrari fan and almost always wears red and has recently bought a customized red carbon fibre sledge.

Santa Clause Fact #3 : If you superpoke him, he'll throw a reindeer at you.

Santa Claus Fact #4 : Santa was thrown out of P. Diddy's Annual White Party as he didn't follow the dress code.

Santa Claus Fact #5 : When Santa was born, he never cried "uwaann uwaannn", he simply did "ho ho ho..."

Santa Claus Fact #6 : As opposed to popular perception, Santa was actually born with a white beard.

Santa Claus Fact #7 : Santa hates rain, he thinks that rainfall is a 'wannabe' snowfall.

Santa Claus Fact #8 : Santa thinks a man's best friend is Reindeer.

Santa Claus Fact #9 : Santa thinks, refrigerator is used to keep ice warm.

Santa Claus Fact #10 : According to Santa, Christmas carol is the most rocking genre of music.

Santa Claus Fact #11 : Santa thinks that the reason dinosaurs were wiped out from the face of the earth was coz of a huge snowball fight and not a meteor impact.

Santa Claus Fact #12 : He has a fetish for fluffy red stalkings.

Santa Claus Fact #13 : Santa once gifted an ATM machine that can count billions to Bill Gates, Gates hasn't asked for anything since then.

Santa Claus Fact #14 : Santa once raced the Superman around the world, the looser shall wear his underwear on top of his pants for the rest of his life. No one know's ready to speak up about the outcome of the race, but onlookers say it was a close finish.

Santa Claus Fact #15: Santa recycles used gift wrappers to make bed sheets.

Santa Claus Fact #16 : Santa thinks he works out 24*7 coz he carries his stomach.

Santa Claus Fact #17 : MJ once unsuccessfully taught Santa how to moon walk...in return Santa successfully taught MJ how to 'love' kids...thats the only thing they have in common.

Santa Claus Fact #18 : Santa once challenged a tortoise for a race. It was decided that the looser shall be exiled to the north pole forever....although we dunno who lost coz the name of the looser's withheld on special request.

Santa Claus Fact #19 : Santa doesnt wear a helmet on the sledge even at high speeds coz he has his thick beard and hair for protection.

Santa Claus Fact #20 : Santa secretly likes this blogpost.

Where is our country going?

2009-10-02T04:56:00.002+05:30

Here's a question....

Are there any leaders left in our country or only politicians?

Our politicians (not leaders) keep churning out numbers in their speeches bragging about their "great" performance in their respective regions and/or portfolios; but does it say the whole story? No, it doesn't and we all know that. Even if its true in the first place... are we doing enough? We are talking about being one of the world's leading countries and being a superpower in south-Asia region...but does any one sense that there are countries who are lapping us at much faster pace and if we don't do anything in coming years, it would hurt us in ways more than one.

Mamta Banerjee denied Tata to set up Singur plant...this costed Tata not only money but also time...resulting in late production and late delivery which coincided exactly with the financial crisis due to which, it might not be welcomed too well in foreign countries.

Mayavati spent hundereds of crores to set up statues of herself and her party leaders and also wasted a similar mind boggling sum in Taj Corridor funding.. all this just to make herself immortal and also to fill her kitty with a few hundered crores of tax payers money. Just think, UP is one such state where no industrialist wants to set up his industry because of 1. wide spread corruption 2. lack of infrastructure 3. crowd mentality... Even for a small thing, they'd raise swords and guns (literally) and would kill any person for few thousand bucks. A slight difference of opinion often results in strike and the manager being beaten up and/or killed by workers. In this scenario, if Mayavati wanted, she could've used these tax payer's crores to set up better infrastructure or could've invested wisely in a manner that would attract other industries...but no, she chose to be a stubborn money loving selfish person that she is...and cared a least bit about the people of her state.

As I'm writing this blog, Mr. Raj Thackeray's love for his fellow Maharashtrian's and hatred for the rest of the Indians are growing by leaps and bounds. He's simply too busy giving hate speeches and beating up people of other states who are living in Mumbai...instead of making Mumbai a world class metropolis.

There are many other incidents like Manglore Pub incident, Ghas Chara Scam, etc. Our politicians are busy fighting amongst themselves but hardly anyone is thinking about our growth and our international competition.

Mumbai, is the financial capital of our country. But does it has an infrastructure that a financial capital should? No. The reason being, its not only the financial capital but also has possibly the second largest gathering of corrupt individuals (politicians, local municipality, policemen, other government servants) per million after Delhi ofcourse. We have the resources and manpower both, the only thing stopping us is intent. Intent to do something for our city which would inturn contribute to our country and better us that one bit against international competition.

How can you talk of making your city Shanghai or New York, when all you're interested in is gathering votes by regularizing slums year after year, election after election?

Mumbai has a deadline of 11PM after which no public gathering can keep their loud speakers on. Why can't it be flexed for special occassion's when an international star comes to perform?

Here's an example... On 25th March 2007, Shakira performed at MMRDA Ground in Mumbai. The official limit for loudspeakers were crossed but the organizers requested policemen to let her perform for one last song, which would take only 5 mins. All policemen wanted was money, organizers refused to oblige and kept requesting. Just when the last track (one of her best numbers) was about to start, police almost ransacked the stage and forced the music to be stopped (as told by a friend who attended the concert). After such humiliation, do you think she would want to come to India let alone Mumbai again. Also, other artists would try their best to avoid India or atleast Mumbai. Think of the bigger picture, every artist who comes to India brings in their support staff, stays in 5 star hotels, spends money in shopping, food, travelling etc. More often than not, they also donate money to some NGO or stand up for a cause. All this foreign money doesn't come to India because a group of policemen never got their "hafta". At the same time, the organizers and advertisers are benefited due to the concert ticket sales...and we're not even talking about the exchange of music/tradition and the joy it brings to their fans and music lovers.

Few days back, a foreign student was molested in Ahmedabad and as if that was not enough, the defense lawyer humiliated her in the court in front of a hundred people. Again, the same thing, when she goes back home, she won't advise her other friends to come to India, and so some college would miss out on a student, some tenant would miss out on 2-3 year rent that, that student would've paid for staying here and many other restaurants, malls & shops would be missing out on business over the food, clothes & groceries that that foreign student could've bought from them. Far fetched thought? I don't think so, this is the harsh reality which most doesn't seem to understand.

On the other hand, our international counterparts in Asia, like China, Dubai, Singapore, Hongkong are doing everything they can, to keep their image up-to-date. This is the exact reason, why billions were spent on Beijing Olympics by Chinese government...because they exactly understand what I just mentioned. Every person who visits China would be spending on travel, hotel rooms, food, shopping etc...and if that person has a great time during his visit, the word of mouth would attract another 2-4 people, and their foreign currency coming into the country would be doubled or quadrapled just because that one person had a nice time. Look at the infrastructure projects that China is accomplishing in a blink of an eye from Indian standards. Think of the Tibetian railway line. Its not only show's their technological accomplishment but this piece of railway also make a strong statement by Chinese government that, "At no cost we're going to let Tibet get out of its hand and this land belongs to us and it's gonna stay that way."

What is our politicians doing to develop the far eastern regions of Sikkim, Assam, Meghalaya, Arunachal Pradesh & surrounding areas?

Port of Shanghai, Hongkong & Singapore are battling to be the biggest/busiest port in the world...while no India port features even in top 10. I don't really understand why we aren't be there in top 10, inspite of being surrounded on 3 sides by water, with such a huge coastline?

How many politicans in India thinks even 5 years ahead of time (about the country i.e.) ?

Dubai doesn't have a government elected by the people but its ruled by the royal family till date. But its royal family especially His Highness Sheikh Muhammed Al Makhtum wants his kingdom, the city of Dubai i.e., to be the best in the world and is doing everything to reach there. Here's a man, who thinks 50-55 years ahead of his time. He's thinking about the day, when he might not even be alive but wants his city to be the most prosperous and the best in the world. In mid nighties he thought, that the biggest source of his kingdom's richness & prosperity i.e. Oil would be over by 2050, after that how would his city be equally prosperous? That's when he thought of making Dubai the no.1 tourist destination to keep the money flowing.

In 1994, he commissioned the tallest hotel in the world, Burj Al Arab. He din't stop there... then he decided to make Palm Islands, World Islands and now the tallest building in the world, Burj Dubai. In between there are some 45 malls, world's biggest airport and mall (under construction), gold city and millions of square feet of real estate are few of the thing's he's done to keep the international money coming in.

Why can't our government do something like this? We're not asking for tallest hotel or tallest building or biggest mall. No, all we want is better infrastructure, better roads & water supply, better public transport & health care, better education & employment, better governance & accountability for our money. And we're not even talking about European and American cities.

Has anyone every thought, in the coming few years...

...when Dubai's World & Palm islands and Burj Dubai would be completed, how many tourists we would be loosing?

...when China's image would improve in front of the world (which its trying so hard), how much business we'd be loosing due to our "paper & gum" infrastructure?

What will it take for our politicians to understand that, in their cat and mouse blame game and petty hate talks, its we citizens who're the worst hit. We're suffering every minute, and with each passing day our international competitors are going ahead. Is it really that difficult to see the bigger picture?

WIPERS

2009-08-22T22:35:00.005+05:30

Here's a thought people....

Since Ford Model T to Bugatti Veyron and u-turn with a Tata Nano...our cars have come a long way. From 3 Cylinders to V12 Turbo charged engines...and from brake drums to ceramic disc brakes, we've been through a lot. The automobile technology has evolved faster than the human race ever did.

But there is one thing that has stayed as it is...the way it was on the first day. That is, the wiper. No, I am not talking about the Dodge Viper. I mean that sleek black thing that pretends to cleans your windshield. Just take a moment and think about it, we have heard people appreciating various cars for various reasons... like a gearbox, acceleration, dashboard, seats, the grills on the bonnet, turbo charger, sleek body lines, brakes, alloys, huge windscreen, engine, seat belts, door handles...etc etc. But have you ever heard anyone talking about a car's wipers? No. Simply because there is nothing to talk about it. The wiper on an Indian Autorickshaw is more or less the same as the one that's there on a Mercedes expect for Autorickshaws have only one and Merc. has two. Ok maybe not, maybe a bit different, but not much, looks and works in the same way.

I simply, can't accept the fact that even after all this technological advances, we haven't been able to improve the design of a wiper.

Wonder why Formula One cars don't have a wiper...? Not because they don't have a windshield, but because they were embarrassed that they being what they are - 'the F1' ....couldn't make a better wiper, and so they scrapped the idea of windshield and wipers all together.

Why can't there be a car which can be admired for its wipers?

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT RAPE YOUR MAID...

2009-08-18T18:17:00.003+05:30

These days raping a maid is in fashion. But I think that should be stopped (this is my personal opinion, no offenses to anyone). Besides the usual reasons like its a crime, morally incorrect, women should be respected...here are some more reasons that might stop you from committing that hideous thing. Still those jerks who've actually made up their mind, would go ahead and do it nonetheless...but still I'd like to appeal them to read this note, and give a thought about it.

1. She would say, "saab pagar badhao".

2. Your son would follow his father's footsteps and do the same to the maid's daughter, in which case he would be trialed for child abuse. :O Sheeeee....

3. She might get pregnant and you would father a slumdog. :O

4. If she gets pregnant and if your son would follow his father's footstep, he would end up raping his own unknown yet biological... :O :O Double Sheeee...

5. She might turn out Bobby Darling in disguise or even worse Rakhi Sawant without makeup. :O :O :O Triple Sheeeee....

6. If your maid leaves the job, your mother/wife would be paying for you sins...Lets face it, these days its very difficult to get a good efficient maid (I meant work efficiency, you pervert. :P).

7. What if the court orders you to marry her and she moves in your posh apartment...or even worse...she's ordered to marry you and you move in her slum? :O

8. Okay, maybe you're a big shot and can deal with FIRs, court case, warrants and everything else...but what if she doesn't do any of those things...instead, decides to bitch about your bedroom manners to 3rd floorwali Sharma aunty (building ki BBC) & 8th floorwali Mrs. Kukreja (area ki All India Radio) ??? :O Sheeeeeeee.....n times.

9. This is not a dream...get hold of reality else, you might actually end up raping her in real life. :O

10. Tell me honestly, do you really want to do it with someone who smells like Phenyl, Vim bar & Surf Excel all at once? :P

This note was written to spread awareness about ill-effects of raping a maid. After reading this note, even if one maid is saved, I would feel the purpose of this note is fulfilled.

WHAT IF PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP WAS LIKE TODAY’S BF-GF RELATIONSHIP ???

2009-08-18T18:07:00.005+05:30

I would like to inform all the readers that this is an out and out black humor (not being sarcastic, this time just racist. :P). And faint hearted people stay away, you might…ummm...faint. :P

In today’s day and age, relationships are changing. Earlier a guy and a girl would fall in love and would love each other till the end of their lives….breakups were unheard of. Today linkups & breakups are as common as having hair in your nose. What if the same trend is caught up in a parent-child relationship too? Discussions like these would be a common thing....

1. Father (on call): Son, its not working out. We’re done. We’re breaking up with you. Please don’t call back.

2. Guy1: Why you broke up with your parents?

Guy2 : They had a roving eye. They always used to praise other's sons...it was a headache whenever we went to a party or a marriage or something. Would leave me and chat with other people's children all the time.

3. Couple1: Why you dumped your son?

Couple2: He wasn't really our type. Your son is so cool, would want someone like him.

Couple1: A couple of his friends are single right now. You want us to talk to them, if anyone's interested.

Couple2: Sure. That'll be great.

4. Guy (to his co-passengers): So, you have any kids?

Husband: Na, we're single.

Guy: Great...Me too. So can I have your no. ? I can take you guys out someday...maybe to a mandir or yoga classes.

Wife: No, thanks. Sorry, but we're not really looking for anyone right now. Just out of a 2 year long relationship with our ex-daughter...been only a couple of week, so we need sometime. Hope you understand. :(

Guy: I understand. :|

5. Husband: Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! (dancing with joy)

Wife: What happened, you look so happy?

Husband: Our son just called. He said, he's moving in with us.

Wife: Yipeee...wow...finally, we'll have a 'live-in' son!!! :) :)

6. Guy1: Dude, why are you crying? What happened?

Guy2: I broke up with my parents.

Guy1: Why?

Guy2: They cheated on me. I was out of town last week for work, everyday they used to invite the college guy living next door as paying guest...for lunch & dinner.

7. Girl1: So, how's it going with your new parents?

Girl2: Not that great. They're very possessive types. Even if I smile and talk to any neighboring auntie/uncle or our family friends when they come over for poker nights...my parents feel bad about it. They're being typical jealous parents.

Girl1: I understand. My ex-parents were the same. That's the exact reason why I dumped them.

8. Couple1: Hey, I heard you people broke up with your daughter, why?

Couple2: She had commitment issues. None of her relationships have lasted more than 2-3years since childhood. In 20 years, she's had close to a dozen parents. We realized, there's no future with her...so we decided to part ways. :( :(

9. Couple1: Yipeeeeeee..... :D :D :D

Couple2: What happened? You look so happy and excited.

Couple1: Our daughter proposed to us. She wants to put our name in her birth certificate. Yayyy!!! :)))

10. Couple1: My son's gf saw you guys when you came for our 25th anniversary celebrations last week. She said she's interested in you people, what do you say?

Couple2: Sorry. Tell her, we're soft but not ready to adopt (single but not ready to mingle :O). :|

P.S. : No offences/preferences to anyone. This note was not created to hurt anyone's fake sentiments.

As Karan Johar has said.... "Its all about leaving ..errr... loving your parents."

Things you don't wanna hear the doctor saying....when you're lying on the operation table...

2009-08-18T17:59:00.001+05:30

1. "Oops..."

2. "Omg, its 5 already. Nurse, you finish the rest...I need to go pick up my son from the school."

3. "You know what...I left this part in options for the final exams."

4. Nurse : "We're out of thread..." Doctor : "Nevermind, we'll staple him."

5. "I'm tired...let's call it a day. We'll finish the rest tommorrow."

6. "Let us first cut the ribbon...this is my first time."

7. "I think we need more practice..."

8. "This guy's coming for the third time...don't stitch, put zipper instead."

9. "I wonder what happens if I cut this vein..."

10. "You know, I was working in a garage before I was hired here?"

11. "(on phone) 5 Lacs for the kidney...Deal!!!"

12. "Wish we had a Ctrl+Z (undo) button in the Operation Theater."

13. "We are out of local anesthesia? No issues, bring the duct tape."

14. "Does anyone else wanna have weed?"

15. "Hold on...my car's getting towed. Brb."

16. Nurse : "Doctor, Is this your watch that we were looking for?" Doctor : "No dear, that's your bracelet. Keep looking guys."

17. "If I see blood, I faint..."

18. "I passed my practicals with 40%"

19. "Let's get this done in 10mins. My gf's waiting downstairs."

20. "I thought, this was a dummy."

Stuffs Neil Armstrong's wife told him before he boarded the Apollo 11...

2009-08-15T01:01:00.000+05:30

On 20th July 2009, we celebrated 40 years since Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. And for the first time in these 40 years, we are bringing to you the conversation that happened between Mr. & Mrs. Armstrong few minutes before he boarded Apollo 11.

These are the things that Mrs. Armstrong told to her husband...

1. Can't you postpone the trip to next week? Me & pappu were plannig to go to the funfair, this sunday. :(

2. Hey, no speeding on the way.

3. Strictly, no going to the lap dancers or bar girls.

4. Take Trampoline. In case the rocket breaks down, you can jump and come back.

5. Don't forget to take the bandar topi (Monkey Cap) & that blue sweater, incase it gets too cold.

6. Take jacket & flip flops too, it might rain also, you never know.

7. Honey, you took the mobile and its charger? And don't forget to activate roaming & GPRS (for fb).

8. Don't forget to pack Sun-tan lotion & shades. Hope its sunny up there.

9. Take my Jimmy Choo & kids' choo-choo shoes. That way the whole family can have their footprints on the moon. :D

10. Don't eat too much of "bahar ka khana" (outside food) over there.

11. When you reach there it would be such a special occassion, I want you to look good. Here wear this black blazer that you wore for our weeding. :D

12. Are you sure they will be paying your TA/DA (travelling allowance & daily allowance) ?

13. Don't forget the tickets and the passport.

14. Can I come with you? Pleaseeeee...

15. What will you get for me from there?

16. Gimme a call once you reach there.

17. Tell them, its fine as long as this is one time thing, you be won't leaving us like this and doing these trips every month. :|

18. Tell them, if the engine blows up it'll be because of their technical fault & you should not be fired for it.

19. By the way I forgot, which place you said you're going?

20. (Suspiciously) Are you making this up?

My Dream Garage

2009-08-09T03:03:00.020+05:30

1. Ariel Atom

2. Aston Martin DB5

3. Aston Martin DBR9

4. Aston Martin DBS

5. Aston Martin One-77

6. Aston Martin V12 Vantage

7. Audi R8

8. Bugatti Veyron 16.4

9. Caterham 1000

10. Chevrolet Camaro

11. Chevrolet Corvette Sting Ray

12. Dodge Viper ACR

13. Ferrari 599 XX

14. Ferrari Daytona

15. Ferrari Enzo

16. Ferrari F40

17. Ferrari F430 Scuderia

18. Ferrari FXX

19. Ford GT40

20. Ford Mustang GT500

21. Ford Shelby Mustang GT-R

22. 1967 Ford Shelby Mustang GT500

23. Ford Shelby Mustang GT-H

24. Honda NSX TypeR

25. Humvee

26. Koenigsegg CCXR

27. Lamborghini Countach

28. Lamborghini Gallardo

29. Lamborghini Miura

30. Lamborghini Murcielago LP 670-4 SV

31. Lamborghini Murcielago LP 650-4

32. Lamborghini Murcielago R-GT

33. Lamborghini Reventon

34. Mazda Furai

35. McLaren F1

36. Mercedes Benz CLK 63 AMG Black

37. Mercedes Benz CLK GTR

38. Mercedes Benz SL65 AMG Black

39. Mercedes Benz SL300 Gullwing

40. Mercedes Benz SLR -

41. Nissan GT R -

42. Pagani Zonda R -

43. Porsche 911 GT2 -

44. Porsche Carrera GT -

45. Saleen S7 -

Quotable Quotes

2009-07-20T04:28:00.003+05:30

Quotable Quotes

1. Orkut is a poorman's Facebook.

2. I'm not a non-vegetarian...I just happen to be at the top of the food chain...

3. Psychopathy is not an illness its a privilege...either you have it or you want it

4. Heaven was created as a rehab for hell goers. Today the investors of heaven are hungry & broke...while Satan's a billionaire...

5. Quotable quotes of famous people like Gandhi, Lenin, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, et all...aren't actually quotes...they're status' which never made it to their fb profile.

6. People think I'm always late...I don't think so...its just that I'm not time bound.

7. Last week I joined anger management classes...on the first day, the instructor asked me to stand up to answer him and so I punched him....Now, he is taking SELF DEFENSE CLASSES from me.

8. My friend thought his gf was hotter than mine. To settle the debate we decide to throw both of them in a house on fire, whoever comes out first is the hotter one..........Now I'm single and my friend has a bf to eliminate any future competition.

9. I don't care if my ass hurts for next half an hour or I die in 3 days or bad luck haunts me for 294 years or that I get 13 holes in my chaddi...I am not gonna pass your chain mail, no matter what. Jo ukhadna hai ukhad le. :P

10. Indians vs Australians ...
INDIAN says "mainu ki", AUSSIE hears "monkey";
garib INDIAN chiddi nikal ke do sandas sabke beech, amir AUSSIE kapdey nikal ke do sunbath on the beach;
INDIANS say "Simon, go back!!", AUSSIES say "Symonds, go back!!!" :P :P :P

11. To err is human...to screw up is divine. Hate divinity unless its mine.

12. People send me "how well do you know me?" requests on facebook, I don't understand why? How am I supposed to know how many pink polka dots you have in you chaddi OR how many hair you have on your left eyebrow OR the length of your right toe nail OR on which days you use water & on which days you use tissue paper ???? HOW? HOW? HOW?!?!?!?!?!?

13. STATUS : I write, people read; I write, people like; I write, people comment; I write, people smile; I write, people frown; I write, people bitch; I write, people appreciate..... Gossshhh, I've got such JOBLESS people in my friends list... :P

14. Since you have my new #,now some do's & dont's.

1) No drunk calls.

2) Don't call on my parent's #,if u can't get me. Don't disturb them.

3) Don't ask me, "why it was 'not reachable' ?" How would I know, I dont hold the tower :P

4) Don't transfer the call on my no. if ur gf's dad calls you up...I care a shit.

5) Don't call me 26times back-to-back,if I dont receive 1st time,I wont receive next 25times either,coz m busy.

15. If you're one of those who bathe more than once (twice, thrice, 6, 12....times a day) doesn't mean you're a cleanliness freak. It simply means you're sooooo dirty that you don't get clean the first time. :P

16. Sadly most facebookers still don't understand the concept of 'Like'. When someone's status reads..."Got my intestine removed", "Spent last night in a lock up", "My wife ran away with my sister", "Lost $742 million in stocks", "My parents had disown me" etc etc... please DO NOT click 'Like' & give thumbs up. It's not just stupid, IT'S SICK!!!

17. Had Julius Caesar been a lady, the quote would've been... "She came, she shopped, she whispered." .... :P

18. "If relationships are complicated, why the hell its called chemistry and not calculus (i mean mathematics) ???" :O

19.CHEMISTRY SIMPLIFIED : When 2 Oxygens are having a candle light dinner and a Carbon breaks in and becomes 'kabaab mein haddi'...its called Carbon Dioxide. When 2 Hydrogens and an Oxygen have a threesome its called water. When 6 Carbon Dioxide & 6 Waters party together in Photosynthesis Discotheque, 6 Oxygen couples go home together while 6 Carbon, 12 Hydrogen & 6 Oxygen remain together and make a mess known as sugar.

Explanation...(not part of status but comments) :

C + O2 = CO2 (Carbon Dioxide)

H2 + O = H2O (Water)

6CO2 + 6H2O = C6H12O6 (Sugar) + 6O2 --- Photosynthesis.

20. I'm so happy that I'm not a celebrity....which means I don't have to get drunk and kill people sleeping on the footpath OR hunt endangered species like black buck OR rape my maid OR get my jeans unbuttoned on the ramp OR go to someone's bday party and fight his bf OR etc etc.... Phewww...what a relief!!!

21. "Why is there no option of "Report" on own profile? If god doesn't stop me from killing others as well as my ownself...why do fb lets me report others but stops me from reporting myself? What if I have split personality and my other self wants to block me? Bummer... "

22. "You see a full solar eclipse when the earth's walking down the pavement and exactly parallel you see moon overtaking the sun from the left side."

23. ENGLISH IS A VERY PHUNNY LANGUAGE : The antonym of antonym is synonym, but synonym of synonym is not antonym its also synonym. Which means, Synonym is 'a bully' while Antonym is 'a pushover'. (pun, bun, phunn...everything intended) :P

24. If you name your child "Aajtak"...there's a great possibility that he would break Usain Bolt, Michael Phelps & Michael Schumacher's world records... because Aajtak is "SABSE TEZ"... :P

25. For Himesh Reshammiya, what is even more terrifying than a heart attack? ---- Blocked Nose... :P

26. "I don't understand why people take those stupid quizzes. I dont want a stupid application to tell me...in which position I should sit while watching TV OR what I should order for starters at a restaurant OR what time I should go to loo OR how many characters I should put in my status OR the name of the person I should buy my stationary from. Its my life, its my wish. SCREW YOU...STUPID MORONIC APPLICATIONS."

27. Anu Malik's theory of creativity states that "my music is copied and choried from English Songs". Its equation form is.... E = mc2 (square)

where; E is English Songs, m is my music, c2 (c square) is copy & chori. :D